Ocean Grove

What's to say? Beach, Ocean, B&B (lesbian owned) a block from the beach. Good dinners out. Lunch on the beach. Naps. Reading. Blogging. Ice cream. Quality time with my honey! Well, I guess I said it

And a meme for July 1, My Birthday month

Your Personality Cluster is Introverted Sensing

You are: Responsible, ethical, and trustworthy Loyal, with a sense of roots in your community Someone who treasures and remembers the past Adverse to surprises and the unknown

What's Your Personality Cluster?

The Methodists have their problems, too

In this beautiful seaside hamlet of Ocean Grove a controversy is raging. Apparently, and this I did not know, the Methodist Church owns all the land and the homeowners only rent the land to on which to build their homes. How awkward! Well, NJ has now has passed a Civil Union Law that lets Gay and Lesbian People marry or their version ofit, but not in Ocean Grove! The residents say that the ban applys to the entire village, but I was only able to find an article that referred to the beach pavillion. The church also says that I cannot go to the beach befoew 12:00PM on Sundays and the town cannot sell alcohol.
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Civil union law has first test on boardwalk
Lesbian couple fights religious group's denial of Ocean Grove pavilion
Thursday, June 21, 2007
BY ROBERT SCHWANEBERG
Star-Ledger Staff
On summer Sunday mornings, the boardwalk pavilion in Ocean Grove serves as a place of worship. At other times, it has been a venue for bands and gospel choirs, a shelter from sun and rain for beachgoers and an idyllic seaside setting for weddings.

But when Harriet Bernstein and Luisa Paster tried to book it for their civil union ceremony, they say they were turned down by the Camp Meeting Association, the Methodist organization that owns all land in the Ocean Grove section of Neptune Township, including the pavilion.

"I was shocked," said Bernstein, who has lived in Ocean Grove for a decade. "It was the first time in all my years living here that I suddenly felt marginalized."

On Tuesday, Bernstein and Paster filed a formal complaint with the New Jersey Division on Civil Rights. It contends the Camp Meeting Association violated their rights under the law that created civil unions and banned discrimination against persons entering them. That act took effect Feb. 19.

The case appears to be the first of its kind brought to the Division on Civil Rights under the new civil union act, division Director J. Frank Vespa-Papaleo said. He said he knew of no similar case in the courts.

Bernstein said she and Paster have been together more than seven years, formed a domestic partnership as soon as they became available in 2004 and have planned their civil union ceremony for Sept. 30.

The boardwalk pavilion, which heterosexual couples have rented for weddings for a fee of $250, seemed the perfect spot, Bernstein said.

"We wanted to have it in Ocean Grove because that's where we live," Bernstein said. "We wanted to be near the ocean because we love the ocean; that's why we live here. It also offers some shelter in case of inclement weather."

According to their complaint, in March they filed a rental application along with a $75 deposit. It was returned, they said, with the explanation that the Camp Meeting Association "would not permit its facilities to be used for civil union ceremonies."

Scott Hoffman, chief administrative officer of the Camp Meeting Association, said it stopped renting the pavilion for weddings as of April 1. Beyond that, he said the complaint was being reviewed with the association's lawyer.

"Because it's a legal proceeding, that's about the extent of what we can do in talking about it," Hoffman said.

John Whitehead, president of the Rutherford Institute, a Charlottesville, Va.-based organization that defends religious liberty, said the Camp Meeting Association is "in the twilight zone of a new area of the law."

"Laws like this should have exceptions for religious organizations and religiously owned property. That avoids the conflict," he said.

Vespa-Papaleo said New Jersey's law contains an exception for religious organizations when they act as employers, but not when they offer accommodations to the public.

"We have taken it as a public accommodation case," Vespa-Papaleo said.

Although mayors who opt to perform marriages must also perform civil unions, Attorney General Stuart Rabner ruled clergy members have discretion "in accordance with their sincerely held religious beliefs."

But Stephen Hyland, a lawyer from Westmont in Camden County who handles legal problems of same-sex couples, said that does not resolve the Ocean Grove case because it is about where the ceremony will be held, not who will officiate. Bernstein said Neptune's deputy mayor, Randy Bishop, agreed to perform the civil union.

Vespa-Papaleo said his office will attempt to mediate the dispute, as it does with all complaints.

"We hope the parties will agree to mediation," he said. "If that does not occur, we will certainly investigate, and if we find there is a violation of the law, we will aggressively prosecute."


Robert Schwaneberg may be reached at rschwaneberg@starledger.com or (609) 989-0324.

Long Weekend

We're going to Ocean Grove, NJ for the weekend.
we'll be staying at Ashley House 14 Surf Ave. • Ocean Grove, NJ 07756 • 732 – 502 – 0081 • www.ashleyhousenj.com
See, http://www.oceangrovehistory.org/

Ocean Grove has a storied history which you can see from this link, not always ecumenical or free of racism, anti Catholicism or antisemitism. I think the town is still dry which is fine with me. In recent years "the gays" had made inroads, so as you walk the lovely streets looking at Victorian homes or the original camp tents-which are really little bungalows-you can see an occasional rainbow flag, and same sex couples walking hand in hand.

I need this break. I've been at my new job for 6 months as of yesterday and new jobs are as stressful as a heart attack (according to statistics.) and some days I've felt like I was having one. It's also a little lonley. I'm feeling like I'm getting into the swing of things now, but office politics are rearing their ugly heads and the current general morale of the office is low. The issue is a memo, meant for supervisors that was inadvertently released to the whole office. E-mail...so convenient, yet so dangerous! I appreciate my unit of 9 people and I try to reassure them and lead them with love and strength. I'm also in the awkward position of being a manager who has been enforcing the contents of the memo, yet represented by the same union that will be greiving this memo and it's fallout. Aargh!

Perhaps I'll get a job in Ocean Grove at the deli as a cheese slicer. Or pool boy. Or ice cream scooper-no, that could be dangerous.

Spirituality Oy, cont.

Spirituality Oy! cont.

The story of my relationship with my partner’s synagogue and me has a long history.

We have the early relationship where I tried to fit in to please my new lover and her people. I followed the prayer book- (bencher?), attempting to say the prayers and sit and stand at the right time, and sing with the choir- they don’t tell you in the prayer book how many verses to sing or how many times to sing the refrain. I’m not sure the congregation even knows, it seems to depend on the mood of the choir director (I’ve always had a slight crush on her- digression) I felt slightly nervous, not sure whether I stuck out as not belonging, but I don’t really think so, but you never know. The whole style of the service seemed similar to a Catholic mass but much, much longer with a lot more socializing before and after and even during as people wandered outside to take a break and talk. Good byes took forever!

Then we got comfortable as lovers do. Sue became the co-director of the monthly Friday night dinners before services and I would join her and even help set up. I got to know some of the people, we made friends. I invited my Catholic friends and relatives to the dinners when they were in distress. I would even come for dinner sometimes and skip the service because those services were so long and I had my other meeting that night. The rabbi seemed so nice and welcoming. After the dinner there were prayers and singing (benching.) I all felt very welcoming and comfortable. I felt happy there. I ran into people I knew from my work life. Then, suddenly, Sue was no longer in charge of the monthly dinners. She was not told, she was not fired. The shul just started planning a later dinner and someone else was planning them without her input. She had finally found a volunteer job she enjoyed and she was out without a thankyou or notice. I thought this was strange and cruel. (I had worked for two organizations as a professional volunteer director and I know about these things.)

9/11 happened. The world in NYC became an unsafe and scary place. My cousin’s wife lost her life in tower two. We were looking for refuge wherever we could find it. Sue and I went to a special service at CBST. The rabbi was especially comforting and assuring, yet strong. It felt like a safe space. I thought again, should I convert. We were already celebrating all the Jewish holidays and none of the Christian ones and we were both satisfied and happy with that.

Several months later over lunch at Neiman Marcus, Sue proposed. I said yes. We began to plan for our wedding. I wanted to elope to Canada. Sue wanted a traditional Jewish wedding. We approached the rabbi-actually we didn’t approached the rabbi, we talked to friends who told us that the rabbi would not marry a Jew and a non-Jew (the rabbi’s language.) WHAT? (my language.) The largest gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender synagogue in the world was rejecting ME! (to be continued)

What kind of cake are you?

You Are a Chocolate Cake

Fun, comforting, and friendly. You are a true classic, and while you're not super cutting edge, you're high quality. People love your company - and have even been known to get addicted to you.

What Kind of Cake Are You?

So I've Been Searching for an Acceping Religion

And into my e-mail arrives Beliefnet with What Religion Are You:
1. Liberal Quakers (100%)
2. Reform Judaism (92%)
3. Unitarian Universalism (91%)
4. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (89%)
5. Neo-Pagan (86%)
6. Orthodox Quaker (78%)
7. Sikhism (75%)
8. Mahayana Buddhism (71%)
9. New Age (67%)
10. Bahá'í Faith (65%)
11. Secular Humanism (63%)
12. Orthodox Judaism (63%)
13. Theravada Buddhism (61%)
14. Hinduism (60%)
15. Jainism (60%)
16. Seventh Day Adventist (54%)
17. Taoism (53%)
18. Islam (52%)
19. New Thought (52%)
20. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (49%)
21. Scientology (49%)
22. Eastern Orthodox (47%)
23. Roman Catholic (47%)
24. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (44%)
25. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (36%)
26. Nontheist (32%)
27. Jehovah's Witness (29%)
Hmmm Mayb I better check those Quakers out!. Glad it's not Scientology or Jehovah's Witness. I notice B'ahi ( my unusual cousin)-is higher than Roman Catholic-my religion of heritage.

Gay Pride and Gay Pleasure

The announcement read: A RAINBOW OF BLESSINGS:
An Evening of Remembrance, Celebration & Prayer
Catholic Lesbians -Happy Pride!

We look forward to spending this time together as our members Paula, Mary and Roe lead us in Scripture, prose and poetry, in a candle-lighting ritual, and in remembering what it was like to come out. Please bring a beverage or snack to share.

So, I got home from work, took a short disco nap (those were the days, those days have changed.) And I went to Gristedes to pick up some snacks to share. I really like this group. And Sue was going to come tonight. I had been coming to the group for maybe 5-6 months, just getting to know some of the women and the occasional man. Two of the women had come to the group I had at the synagogue which I thought was spectacular considering the lackluster response we got from the CBST congregation.
Sue was coming. I didn’t know how I felt about that…
I got dressed-nicely. When I got there I saved her a seat, my love of 16 years. She was meeting me there. I was greeted warmly by the regulars and I met the newcomers. The program was starting and Sue walked in. I was thrilled to see her, my partner, my better half, a whole of her own as I am, but linked in a way seen to the others. I got her a plate of refreshments, she’s always hungry. I was getting hungry, too. She was here.
As we went around the room to introduce ourselves, and the circle came to Sue first and then me. I realized how I felt when I started crying as I spoke. It was very important that she share this experience with me. I was glad that she was here with my people after all of these years of being with her people. We were sharing.

ENTRE' ACT Pass Day

In my office, we have the option of working longer hours and then taking a day off, either every week or every other week. I have chosen every other week. Today's the day, my own personal holiday. Free to do whatever I choose! The life of Riley....no wait. Today I have my therapist, my neurologist, shopping, art class, and, and.
Oh well. When else would I have to do those things?

Spirituality, Oy (continued)

I distanced myself from CBST-the synagogue my partner attends for several years after the marriage incident, attending only special occasions and retreats. At the retreats, I would stay in the background except when I had a chance to get one of the rabbi's aside. Then I would comment that we had met with a group after our wedding to see how the shul could better accomodate mixed religion couples, then there was no follow up.
This past year, I got a phone call from the president of the board asking me to help organize a class in the Lehrhaus (adult education) with a rabbinic intern, to address this issue. Although the idea of charging for this organizing effort rankled, I went along with it, along the way enlisting another active member of the shul who also happens to be a member of another faith. We met a number of times and hammered out the 'class.' We passed out 150 flyers at services at CBST, 7 at Saint Francis Xavier Lesbian Group and managed to get the required 6, 4 from CBST (including our partners) 2 from SFX and us. The group was useful, but discouraging in it's size. We had no committment to carry on after the end (which I was hopeing for.
The retreat was coming up and I was feeling that there was some momentum started, so I called the retreat organizer. She was enthusiastic and scheduled us for Friday night at 10:45 (way past my bedtime!)
Friday night came and we had a large group, about 15 people. They started telling wrenching stories about being refused marriage-similar to ours. They made us feel that we were not alone in the shul. If there were this many in a retreat of about 60 people, how many else could there be? Suddenly, the head rabbi, Sharon showed up and her presence really quelled any active discussion. She announced that she had come to a place where she could do a mixed marriage in the Jewish style. While people were happy, I felt that this was not the time or place for this discussion and she took attention away from the process we had going on and moved it to her agenda (to be continued)