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Thursday, November 8, 2007

The First Big Day- ERCP

When the gastroentrologist plays "go fish" with 3 gall stones that have gone astray outside of my gallbladder and are doing bad things like blocking bile ducts. They do this by inserting an endoscope, then inserting tools to locate and grab those straying stones, then retrieving them...through my mouth. Thank GOD I will be asleep. The last time I had an endoscopy, I was awake, with meds. that give you retrograde amnesia. This means that the process is really unpleasant, but you DON'T REMEMBER IT! Except I remember all of it. It was for an bleeding ulcer I got as a result of taking NSAID'S for a really bad back for which I was having emergency surgery. They discovered the ulcer when I went in for emergency surgery and my blood count was so low, I had to have 4 units of blood before surgery. But I digress. I'm starting to freak out about all of these procedures/surgerys. I was in the office yesterday and was overwhelmed with work. The plan was to go in this morning at 7:30-my usual start time-then leave at 11;00. It's about an hour travel time. It seems like so much and I'm in some pain. This gallbladder stuff makes my back hurt more than it usually does. Do I have to go into the office for 3 hours-and two hours commute? Tell me no.

On another note, give a shout out to my friend Natty who is having a rough time in the discerning process for her vocation. Her blog is:

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

I Hate to Keep Joking About This

I'm having an ERCP this Thursday-where the gastroentrologist plays go fish with my stray gall stones, then I'm FINALLY having surgery on Monday! At last, after Sonogram, MRCP, ERCP, DX of HEP A, numerous blood tests and now 3 doctors-1 who is on my plan and two who are mucho dinero! So let me amuse you with-

Things you don't want to hear during surgery:

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness."

Bo! Bo! Come back with that. Bad dog!

Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

Hand me that... uh... that uh... that thingy there.

Oh no! Where's my Rolex.

Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived from 500 ml of this stuff before?

There go the lights again?

"Ya know, there's big money in kidneys? and this guy's got two of 'em."

Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing off my concentration.

What's this doing here?

I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.

That's cool. Now can you make his leg twitch by pressing that one?!

Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

Sterile schmerile. The floor's clean, right?

OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?

Nurse, did this patient sign an organ donation card?

Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

What do you mean "You want a divorce?!?"

FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

Oh no! Page 47 of the manual is missing!