Sunday, May 18, 2008
Going to Church
(picture of Church of Holy Apostles Soup Kitchen)
It's Sunday and I'm thinking of going to church.
I don't go to church. I've been estranged from church going since probably sometime in my sophomore year in college when my mother stopped going to church and church going was losing it's meaning to me. I was coming to the conclusion that I was a lesbian although I continued to "act straight" having a steady boyfriend for several more years. My mother, I believe was depressed, something that I have struggled with on and off. She became angry with the church-Catholic-I can't remember why. I stopped going because I was feeling that if indeed I was gay, well they didn't want me there anyway. I never felt any community there. I felt like a stranger in the pew. It was my hometown, but it was about 1969 or so, so lots of people were dropping off. I never felt any home at that church. Women could only play one part and that was cleaning the church and altar area. (I always wanted to be an altar boy!)
But now, I'm feeling a deep yearning to find a spiritual community.My partner attends a gay synagogue and I tried that but I was not really a part of the place because I didn't want to convert-the Jesus thing, you know?
I've been reading books and attending the The Saint Francis Xavier Catholic Lesbian Group (:-@) The Lesbian and Gay Groups are out and in public and announced in the weekly bulletin. I'm hesitant to get too comfortable in the Catholic church, because I remember 20 years ago, by decree of the archbishop, the gay Catholic Dignity, who had their masses there, were ordered out. We had a candlelight march from there to the GLBT Community Center and everyone was very angry and sad-I was there. I'm afraid that could happen again with the new regime of the Catholic Church.
In my neighborhood, Is a nice Episcopal Church. I've been reading Take this Bread by Sara Miles. And MomPriest has said that she thinks this denomination might be a good fit.
What should I do?