I Hate to Keep Joking About This

I'm having an ERCP this Thursday-where the gastroentrologist plays go fish with my stray gall stones, then I'm FINALLY having surgery on Monday! At last, after Sonogram, MRCP, ERCP, DX of HEP A, numerous blood tests and now 3 doctors-1 who is on my plan and two who are mucho dinero! So let me amuse you with-

Things you don't want to hear during surgery:

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness."

Bo! Bo! Come back with that. Bad dog!

Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

Hand me that... uh... that uh... that thingy there.

Oh no! Where's my Rolex.

Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived from 500 ml of this stuff before?

There go the lights again?

"Ya know, there's big money in kidneys? and this guy's got two of 'em."

Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing off my concentration.

What's this doing here?

I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.

That's cool. Now can you make his leg twitch by pressing that one?!

Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

Sterile schmerile. The floor's clean, right?

OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?

Nurse, did this patient sign an organ donation card?

Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

What do you mean "You want a divorce?!?"

FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

Oh no! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

NY Marathon in honor of my friend Laurie -who runs and runs and runs-go girl!

Friday Five-Interviews

"Songbird just had an interview for a "vague and interesting" possibility, and More Cows than People is doing campus visits for doctoral programs. There always seem to be a few RevGals applying for new positions, and I just got my first call for this year's preliminary interviews for college teaching jobs at the American Academy of Religion meeting in San Diego coming up in a few weeks. It's for my dream job among this year's offerings, and I am flipflopping between excitement and nervousness. So please keep your fingers crossed and say a little prayer for everyone facing such conversations, and share your thoughts on the wonderful world of interviews:"

This is a topic near and dear to my heart because I've been on a lot of interviews, I've done a lot of interviews and I'm a Senior Vocational Rehabilitation Counselor in my current gig, so some of my staff teach people how to interview. dress for interviews, answer those tricky questions like "have you ever been arrested. (actually that's illegal.)

1. What was the most memorable interview you ever had? Probably the interview for my current job. It was a promotion.
I was hating my job and this had come up at just the right time. It was supervising a unit of counselors like the unit I was in, in a different office. My supervisor at the time was an unkind person. The interview committee-yes you heard that right was 7 people as I recall. They had a written list of questions and when they asked about something, I talked about how I acquired my disability and started crying-not sobbing, just verklempt. I got the job anyhow. I really wanted that job! And I really like it!

2. Have you ever been the interviewer rather than the interviewee? If so, are you a tiger, a creampuff, or somewhere in between?
Often, in different settings. And I'm usually either a creampuff or somewhere in between. I worked for NOW NYC as Development Director before grad. school. One of my jobs was to supervise the phone bank. Phone banks, I've noticed, attract an edgy group of people. This one was no different. I should have been tougher and asked more questions, but hindsight is 20/20.I hired a guy who later turned out to be Hedda Lettuce the local drag queen. I had to fire him and his parting shot was to call me a fat bitch. I thought I was kind of svelt at the time!

3. Do phone interviews make you more or less nervous than in-person ones?
Never had one.

4. What was the best advice you ever got to prepare for an interview? How about the worst?
My advice to you. Be on time! Be yourself. Be prepared and well rested. Make sure there are no typos on you c.v. or resume. Ask the interviewers what about this company (or whatever) would make you want to work there. (I used this at my current job and it worked well) Know a good joke but don't tell it unless asked (and I have been asked, really.)

5. Do you have any pre-interview rituals that give you confidence?
No

Good luck!

Prepare for Surgery, Heal Faster

Surgery to remove my gall bladder has been delayed by a four initial procedure to remove 3 renegade gall stones that have escaped and are wreaking havoc.

So when I was at the hospital, I picked up a brochure that described this program. Hmmm. I already had this cd, passed along by a colleague at work. I started listening to it. It seems that a large feature is prayer, who knew? It's supposed to speed healing and decrease the use of pain medication. I've been listening on the subway on the way to work. I am stressed, primarily because of the delays for this 'simple' surgery. I received a promotion last January and I'm still on probation and that Catholic schoolgirl who still lives in me believes that being absent so much will effect my supervisors judgement of me. And each exam brings the need for a new exam or a procedure before surgery. Sigh.

About Prepare for Surgery-Mind Body Technique by Peggy Huddelston

"Using five steps to prepare for surgery, you'll feel profoundly peaceful in the days before your operation. In turn this peace will create the biochemistry of healing and speed your recovery.
Peggy Huddleston is the author of Prepare for Surgery, Heal Faster. She is a psychotherapist, conducting research on the benefits of her pre-surgical program at a Harvard Medical School teaching hospital in Boston.

Her clinical work and research focus on the ways positive emotions and the human spirit enhance healing.

She has taught workshops in self-healing to thousands of people in Boston, New York, Philadelphia, Paris and Amsterdam. Her book and tape were recently featured on PBS-TV's Body and Soul.

Prepare for Surgery, Heal Faster Workshops are offered in hospitals and HMOs by nurses and therapists trained and certified by Peggy Huddleston."

How Will I Die

How will I die? Your Result: You will die while having sex.   Your last moments in this life will be enjoyable indeed...hopefully. Do not fear sex. Try not to become celibate as a way of escaping death. You cannot run from destiny.
You will die while saving someone's life.
You will die from a terminal illness.
You will die in a car accident.
You will die in your sleep.
You will die of boredom.
You will die in a nuclear holocaust.
You will be murdered.
How will I die? Create a Quiz

Well, that's a relief!

Getting my Gizzard Popped

On my journey to gall bladder surgery I had an ultrasound and last Friday had an MRCP or Magnetic Resonance Cholangiopancreatography. The instructions were to fast-nothing by mouth-for four hours before the 8:30 AM test, so I got up at 3:30 to take my am medication and to worry for a bit. You see, this has been dragging on since September which may not seem like much, but I started a new job-well not a NEW job, but a promotion-last January and taking all this time off is giving me angst. And now having to have surgery and all of the pre-testing time is stressing me.

So I arrived at 7:45, always early as the nuns taught me, starving, and craving coffee, to discover that it was not necessary to fast. As a matter of fact, the first thing I was made to do was drink pineapple juice. If only it had caffeine or valium in it!

The next thing, of course was to disrobe and then robe in a color coded hospital gown-or two as I never know the code for woman size. I discovered that an MRCP is pretty much like any other scan. It’s like being in your own toilet paper tube which is then tossed into a cement mixer. Only this scan had headphones with nice music when the cement mixer was off. And I wasn’t doing breathing exercises, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in and hold it…

I’ll have the results in a day or two or my surgeon will. I have a pre-surgery examination on Wednesday (1/2 day off.) I have a second opinion on Thursday (1/2 day off.) By the time I actually have the surgery I’ll have no time left.

One thing I did discover was a brochure that offered a free program at the hospital to ”Feel calmer before surgery. Use less pain medication. Recover faster.” I think I should call right now.

Music by the Dallas Metropolitan MCC

The Cost of Being LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual transgender) in Todays World

Thanks to Chuck's Laird68.com

Punishments for being who you are in different parts of the world

Algeria – A Fine to 3 Years in Prison
Angola – Labor Camps
Antigua and Barbuda – 15 Years in Prison
Bahrain – A Fine to 10 Years in Prison
Bangladesh – 10 Years to Life in Prison
Barbados – Life in Prison
Belize – 10 Years in Prison
Benin – 3 Years in Prison
Bhutan – 1 Month to 1 Year in Prison
Botswana – A Fine to 7 Years in Prison
Brunei – A Fine to 10 Years in Prison
Cameroon – A Fine to 5 Years in Prison
Cook Islands – A Fine to 14 Years in Prison
Djibouti – 10 to 12 Years in Prison
Dominica – 10 Years in Prison
Egypt – 5 Years in Prison
Eritrea – 3 to 10 Years in Prison
Ethiopia – 10 Days to 3 Years in Prison
Gambia – A Fine to 14 Years in Prison
Ghana – Not Known
Grenada – 10 Years in Prison
Guinea – 6 Months to 3 Years in Prison
Guinea Bissau – Labor Camps
India – A Fine to Life in Prison
Iran – Death
Jamaica – 10 Years Hard Labor
Kenya – A Fine to 14 Years in Prison
Kiribati – A Fine to 14 Years in Prison
Kuwait – A Fine to 7 Years in Prison
Lebanon – A Fine to 1 Year in Prison
Lesotho – Not Known
Liberia – A Fine
Libya – A Fine to 5 Years in Prison
Malawi – A Fine to 14 Years in Prison
Malaysia – A Fine to 20 Years in Prison
Mauritania – Death
Mauritius – A Fine to 5 Years in Prison
Morocco – 6 Months to 3 Years in Prison
Mozambique – Labor Camps
Myanmar/Burma – 10 Years to Life in Prison
Namibia – Not Known
Nauru – 14 Years Hard Labor
Nepal – A Fine to 1 Year in Prison
Nicaragua – 1 to 3 Years in Prison
Nigeria – 5 Years in Prison to Death
Niue – A Fine to 10 Years in Prison
Oman – A Fine to 3 Years in Prison
Pakistan – 2 Years to Life in Prison
Palau – A Fine to 10 Years in Prison
Palestine – A Fine to 10 Years in Prison
Papua New Guinea – A Fine to 14 Years in Prison
Qatar – A Fine to 5 Years in Prison
Saint Kitts and Nevis – 10 Years in Prison
Saint Lucia – A Fine to 10 Years in Prison
Saint Vincent and Grenadines – A Fine to 10 Years in Prison
Samoa – A Fine to 7 Years in Prison
Sao Tome and Principe – Labor Camps
Saudi Arabia – Death
Senegal – 1 Month to 5 Years in Prison
Seychelles – A Fine to 2 Years in Prison
Sierra Leone – Life in Prison
Singapore – 2 Years in Prison
Solomon Islands – A Fine to 14 Years in Prison
Somalia – 3 Months in Prison to Death
Sri Lanka – A Fine to 10 Years in Prison
Sudan – 5 Years in Prison to Death
Swaziland – A Fine
Syria – A Fine to 3 Years in Prison
Tanzania – A Fine to 25 Years in Prison
Togo – A Fine to 3 Years in Prison
Tokelau – A Fine to 10 Years in Prison
Trinidad and Tobago – 25 Years in Prison
Tunisia – A Fine to 3 Years in Prison
Turkmenistan – A Fine to 2 Years in Prison
Tuvalu – A Fine to 14 Years in Prison
Uganda – A Fine to Life in Prison
United Arab Emirates – Death
Uzbekistan – A Fine to 3 Years in Prison
Yemen – Flogging to Death
Zambia – A Fine to 14 Years in Prison
Zimbabwe – A Fine to 1 Year in Prison

Friday Five

photo-which one is me?

1. How did you celebrate this time of year when you were a child?
My friend Trudy and I would dress up in-usually-home made costumes and go out into the neighborhood trick-or-treating! It was a small town. My mother and aunt owned the grocery store and everyone knew us, so it was safe and, after a certain age we usually went alone. We collected a lot of goodies.
A couple of the noteable costumes I made and wore when attending parties as an adult in NY were the crocodile in Peter Pan-with the rest of the cast played by friends. And loose change-in the 80's-with other kinds of money being played by friends-old money was my partner.
And of course as a child, mass the next day as it was a holy day of obligation. All Saints Day. I think we may have had the day off-or not.

2. Do you and/or your family “celebrate” Halloween? Why or why not? And if you do, has it changed from what you used to do?
We used to go to the great Haloween Parade when it was smaller-a NY tradition. But now it has become too big and scary and too many youthful non-natives come from the commuting states to get drunk and act stupid, so we stay home. ( do I sound like a New York snob?)

2. Candy apples: Do you prefer red cinnamon or caramel covered? Or something else?
I take advantage of the availability to buy and eat small chocolate bars that come packaged in large bags. I shouldn't and I keep them in a prominent place in my office so the my unit knows where to get them so they disapear fast, which is good for me, the disapearance part.
Candy apples, not really.

3. Pumpkins: Do you make Jack O’ Lanterns? Any ideas of what else to do with them?
Unfortunately, they take up too much room.

4. Do you decorate your home for fall or Halloween? If so, what do you do? Bonus points for pictures.
Unfortunately, they take up too much room.

5. Do you like pretending to be something different? Does a costume bring our an alternate personality?
Love it when I have the chance! I have love to hide behind a mask. It always allows this introvert to be somewhat less inhibited at a party!

How Real Am I?

You Are 88% Real

There's hardly a person on this earth more real than you are. You have no problem showing people who you are, flaws and all. For you, there couldn't be any other way. Because it's way too stressful to live an inauthentic life. You're very comfortable with yourself. And because of this, you're able to live an exciting, interesting, and challenging life.

How Real Are You?