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Thursday, May 14, 2009

Friend at Work


I've had a friend who I've worked with for about 12-13 years. I've followed her career, as our careers go, first I worked with her from outside of our agency and I used their services for our agency, then I was hired and she was in a more senior position.
  
She's a good friend and I love her. We've seen each other through good times and bad. She came to our wedding and we've met on vacation. We've travelled to professional trips together. 
 
We worked in the same office for many years, but in different units, then we both were promoted to different offices, until this winter when she became the director of our office. This leaves me in the dual position of being the friend and confident of our leader.

Recently we have had several management team meetings that have gone from 10-1:30, straight through lunch. I posted on Facebook that we were having another meeting and I hoped that it would end before lunch. She replied "Stop kvetching." This is NYC-that means complaining. I was unusually hurt by that comment and felt that my work boundaries and personal boundaries had been breached. But we are friends on FB!

I hate lack of boundaries. I like neat, clean beginnings and endings, borders, Good fences make good neighbors and all that.  But life is seldom so neat. And I need to learn to live with a leaky boundary and to do it with grace if possible.

12 comments:

Barbara B. said...

That sounds tricky... and sadly I have no words of wisdom. :(

Processing Counselor said...

Quite tricky, thanks

Jan said...

Wow--that sounds hard. The term "leaky boundaries" is one I am pondering and one that I probably am involved in. . . .

Beth said...

I'm guessing she read your Facebook comment as passive-aggressive. (Just guessing, of course!) Maybe try approaching her directly and explain that the meetings that run over the entire lunch hour are difficult, and then give her the reasons.

Whatever happens, good luck! It's definitely a tough one.

accidentalseminarian said...

That is a tricky one especially with FB in the mix and is something that I have to personally consider.

I have taken advantage of the different access rights that you can give to different people and have a number of different groups; work, politics, family, friends etc. I have then given each group different access rights to either my profile, my wall or my posts. It is something that you might want to consider.

I have also seen a number of people use the strategy for for twitter as well and post their guidelines on their blog/FB page. You might consider that a step too far but it may be just one way to save your friendship from the complexities of the working environment.

Sally said...

prayers for grace then.

Muthah+ said...

PC, I am with Beth on this one. I would suggest set up a time when you both can sit down outside of work and catch up and just tell her about your boundaries. I am sure she is having a hard time being leader with her BF in the crowd too. Your love for each other will help you work out such difficulties. But always pray first!

Muthah+ said...

But thanks for sharing

Sue said...

Oh Jan, I SO know what you mean. I like nice neat boundaries too and get all flummoxed when they get messy. I wish I had some great wisdom to share, but I will simply add to the prayers.

mompriest said...

Sorry that it is so sticky....

LutheranChik said...

I'm beginning to run into the "leaky boundaries" situation as more people from our church friend me on Facebook. I find myself starting to censor myself there when I want to speak my mind or link to this or that article elsewhere...and then I think, "What the hell? Why should I?" But I think when push comes to shove I'll probably just stop posting there as much.

revkjarla said...

I love facebook.
I love my friends.
I love my churchies.

But damn that facebook!

I am with Muthah+ on this one.

And prayers. I am a little late on this, so maybe it is resolved.

let us know!!!