Sad

You may or may not know that I have been in a Lesbian Care Givers and Partners Group since Beloved was diagnosed with breast cancer, now thankfully in remission.

I got the news that one of my group members partner died this weekend. It was a shock. She did not die of cancer. She died of a reaction to the chemotherapy. It happened a while ago and they said she was going to die then. Her lungs developed some inability to be flexible. But she was getting better and she was in rehab. Then she had a pulmonary embolism and died. Her partner has to move out of their home as it belonged to one who died and the mother is taking it. (no will)

Pray for gay marriage.

See her blog.

http://wtfcancerdiaries.com/

Ennui

One of my favorite words. I've been feeling it lately and especially toward my blog. Sometimes I manage the Friday Five and that's about it.

What's been going on? Last week we managed to remove the towers of boxes that have been living in the tiny apartment all winter, since before Beloved's diagnosis, and growing, to the Beach Palace. We had the aid of Star Movers and they were stars indeed. Now we are in the process of emptying the boxes and figuring out where to put the stuff. I had no idea I had so many art supplies, paint, paper of different kinds, brushes from when I was in school in the late 60's ( I bought quality.) Now I have space to work again. Also jewelry making supplies-hmm where can I solder... Where can I put a kiln?

Work is still way more irritating that it should be. I'm the senior counselor specialist on substance abuse and re-entry (individuals with disabilities who are just getting out of prison.) in our office. I was at a Re-entry Roundtable. The speaker was Kathy Boudin, who has been released from prison and had earned her doctorate. I was really looking forward to it because she was part of the history of my college years. I got a text from my boss. Then another, call me right away, call me it's an emergency! "An emergency?" I had a union grievance from one of my counselors. Why? I forgot to approve his vacation. He asked me by e-mail. His office is about 10 offices away from mine and he comes to my office about once a day to drop off files to be approved. Why couldn't he remind me? I have an aging brain and I had already put it in my vacation calendar, so it was approved in my mind, I just forgot to let him know. I had to leave the presentation and go to a computer to check to see if I had actually replied. So I went home. I didn't.

After discussing my distress with a smart, thoughtful peer at why someone who I considered a friendly worker would actually do something like this over such a petty topic, I talked to him yesterday. I said, I'll call him Bruce, Bruce, why didn't you just remind me about your vacation. I would have approved it on the spot. He looked at the floor and said it was not a good time to discuss it, that he had just seen 4 clients and didn't want to talk about it now. I know it's retribution for my enforcement of a new and, imho, bad policy. Oh well, that's why they pay me the big bucks.

I never got to see Kathy Boudin, but I did talk to her and got her card. We're going to invite her to speak at our Re-entry Consortium.

Achoo Friday Five

Mary Beth posted this Friday Five and I like it:"Hello, my name is Mary Beth, and I'm allergic to ligustrum."

So, thinking about allergies:

1. Do you experience any seasonal allergies? Are you allergic to anything else?

My allergies are year round. Grass, dust, mold, trees, goats, vitamin K etc. I have a sensitivity to spinach that keeps me in the wc for hours but I figured that out for myself! It took years, my mother said I was nervous as she served delicious spinach dishes which I wolfed down! Finally put two and two together when spinach salads became in vogue.

Every year when I was a kid I experienced itchy eyes, ears, sniffles, sneezing etc. My eyes would get so red! Also that place, the nexus between my ears, and throat.

2. What kinds of symptoms do you experience during your allergic reactions?
My father thought I had a cold-endless- and made me wear a sweater in the hot humid weather of the Ohio Valley. Finally I got worse and was sent to a specialist for my tonsils. He also happened to be an Allergist. And he tested my...every year for the next 17 years it seems. Oh, I also had scary nosebleeds and spent long periods of time on his back room leather chaise longe.

The last time he tested me, skin tests, I had moved away and was visiting my parents I went for an appointment and a referral in NY, I had the tests and scripts, then left. While waiting for my ride, I noticed some hived. I called the office and my voice was hoarse. by the time I got back upstairs I was in anapylactic shock. They treated me there! Scary...

3. How do you manage your allergies? (i.e: medication, avoidance, alternative therapies, etc)

I took shots for YEAR! Weekly, YEAR I say, YEARS. I stopped when my last allergist died. He was JFK's allergist, I learned from his obit in the NY Times. Now I take Zyrtec. It really works. At our decaying State Office Building, many of us have been developing strange allergies. I had an asthma attack and I'm normally only asthmatic around cats! The government runs slowly... They brought in an independent testing company and they found we have bad air, molds etc. Now I have an Epi Pen and inhalers in my desk. Sigh!

4. What is the strangest allergy you've ever heard of?

A friend, a lawyer, developed multiple allergies to chemicals after new carpets were installed in her office. She ultimately was fired.

5. How do you feel about school and social policies that banning peanuts and other allergens?

I for them!

Royal Wedding Friday Five

From our Royal Wedding in Toronto
Kathrynzj's offers this Royal Wedding Friday Five:

1) Will you be watching? If so, is this your first royal wedding?

I am watching between doing the laundry and packing for a weekend retreat given by Congregation Bet Simcah Torah, my Beloved's place of worship...You know where they rented us their space but the rabbi refused to marry us because I'm-as she calls me, a Non-Jew. No, I don't carry any resentments. I haven't gone for a few years but as BL has cancer I relented and have agreed to go this year. My Ipad is loaded with books...

This is not my first. The first that i remember was Princess Diana watched from my (tiny) office early in the morning with a bunch of gay guys and I think Champagne. It was fun.
2) The bride has chosen as her wedding cake a fruitcake. Where do you stand on this pastry?

Fruitcake? With all those other great cakes in the world. I like the idea of one for the bride and one for the groom, flavors of their choice, Maybe Vanilla with a great custard filling for her and of course chocolate for him!

3) The dress code for royal weddings has not seen the same sad decline as that for most other weddings. If you could design your own royal wedding hat, what color would it be and what special decoration would it feature?

Mine would definitely have a live bird, or maybe a small dog or a squirrel!

4) Any chance the Archbishop of Canterbury is using a Sustainable Sermon (tip of the mitre to the Vicar of Hogsmeade)? What would you tell the couple were you offering the homily?

Not sure what this is, but if you Gals like is I'm all for it, if it's short. Don't want to sit too long. Wrinkles the duds.

5) Believe it or not, kathrynzj is getting up early mostly to see the wedding dress. By the time this post is up, the world will have seen it. Did you like it?

I saw the train and the back of the veil and that looked fairly traditional. So the vote is not in yet. I was white. And I know that they have been living together :-0

News from the church I don't attend but that I do belong to a their Lesbian Group

News from My Little Catholic Church

No Catholic Church is a little church. They are all part of a bigger church, the One Holy Catholic Church and at the head of the church is, of course is Big Brother.

Two years ago, the diocese of New York got a new Archbishop who tolerated our LGBT Group from Saint Francis Xavier marching in the LGBT March-the first one, the one that was generated by the Stonewall riots in 1969 and has been going ever since. The group has been marching a number of years. Last year we got a letter from the Archbishop saying that he would not like to see our banner in the march. The leadership of the Women's group and the Men's group-see even hierarchy there, decided to march anyhow, but with the banner turned around with a blank front. I got the following e-mail from the LGBT leadership yesterday:

Dear Friends,

We wanted to update you on the New York City LGBT Pride March and the use of the parish banner for the Church of St. Francis Xavier. Last year, Archbishop Timothy Dolan indicated that he would not like to see any Catholic parish participating in the Pride March under its parish banner, and in response and ongoing consultation with our community, we turned the banner backward.

The leaders of the Catholic Lesbians and Gay Catholics at Xavier got together on March 3, 2011, and came up with a proposal for deciding this year how we would participate in the Pride March. Leaders from the two ministries met with the Pastoral Council on March 21, proposing that we host a parishwide meeting or series of meetings, with a vote to determine our manner of participation in the march. The Pastoral Council and Father Joe Costantinodecided against our proposal. They recommended that we not have such a vote and that we come up with a creative alternative to using the parish banner. The notes from that meeting are available atwww.sfxavier.org/wordpress/sfx/pastoral-council.

On April 12, the leaders of our two groups met at length and prayerfully discerned our next steps. After carefully looking at all of the alternatives, and with open and respectful sharing, we decided to march with the banner facing forward. We realize that this difficult decision may not please everyone, though informal polling over the past several weeks indicates that there is a likely majority in the community at Xavier for going back to how we usually participate.

Father Joe, in an e-mail to the LGBT ministries leaders, stated that while he supports the LGBT ministries at Xavier and will continue to pray for us, if we march with the banner forward, we will not be given “Welcome to St. Francis Xavier” brochures to distribute, we will not be given a blessing, we will not be included in Prayers of the Faithful, and we will not receive other recognition at the Mass on the morning of the march as historically has been done. In addition, no funds will be released from the parish LGBT account for anything connected with the march, no media will be allowed into the church, the attached press release will be posted on the church Web site, and Father Joe will contact ArchbishopDolan about our participation.

Jesus taught us a prayer that can unite us when we have our differences, and so we pray, “Thy will be done.”

Peace be with you,

Catholic Lesbians and Gay Catholics, the Church of St. Francis Xavier

Visit with New Doc Redux

So, we got there at 10:30AM for a 10:45 apt. Signed in at 2 desks, although Beloved is electronically recorded at Sloan Kettering on the BIG COMPUTER and we have answered the same questions many, many times. The we met with the Resident for about a 1/2 hour, short wait, met with the nurse for about a 1/2 hour-the first bit of information was well you'll be lying on your back. Freak out from BL, who's mother died of Lung Cancer and who DOES NOT, Do you hear me, DOES NOT want radiation anywhere near her lungs. I knew things would go downhill from there... The explanation from the very nice nurse, Holly. It seems that they explain generally, and that was only one way that they position people. Oy.

Then finally the Doc comes in. She was small, asian, poised, and it could have just been that she was wearing Christian Louboutin pumps. BL started in on her story, and the doc with the unfortunate name, said "why don't I just let you talk and I'll answer your questions. Near the end of the soliloquy, she said I suggest you get a second opinion and then consider your options. She suggested another hospital.

It was my day off, and I was supposed to see my hairdresser after, but I went home and fell dead asleep, woke up enough to cancel my appointment, and went back to sleep. I was awake in time to go to my Lesbian Cancer caregivers and partners support group. It's great, the leader is great, the women are great. After we had a focus group with food and more women from previous groups. Also great.

Visit With a New Doc Today

She's the doc that reads the Oncotype (this specialized graph that indicated the type of tumor and the likelihood of recurrence in the distant future (per their website and as I understand it.) This is the third doc, surgeon, Oncologist, and Radiologist and Onco-Radiologist with the unfortunate name of Dr. Ho! They have all been lovely to date. All youngish-from my point of view-women who seem to be really, really smart. And kind and willing to answer BL's endless questions. Let's hope Dr. Ho fits the mold.

Things at home have been tense. I have been feeling left out. BL has a whole crop of advisors. She leans toward the homeopathic/natural, I the alopathic, "listen to your doctor." Which has led to some conflict. I feel that she has been shutting me out. Naturally our couple counselor has been out of town for two weeks.

The bright spot is my support givers and partners group at the lgbt center, tonight it's followed by a focus group which included dinner. Woo hoo!! I really like the women in the group and look forward to seeing them every week.

Friday Five Quick Pick

Kathrynxj posted this Friday Five:

"We're in the midst of 'it' and I'm hoping that it is not just me who is starting to get a bit overwhelmed. So for today I am asking for five quick picks of things that are good in your life. And as a bonus, 1 pick for a thing you could do without.
If you want to describe them? Great.
If not? That's fine too."

So, here's mine,

1. Very cold water and lots of it.

2. Chocolate, of course.

3. Books, of course and reading on the subway.

4. A life of the spirit.

5. My drink of choice, Coca Cola.

*And what could I give up...my present job (but not my practive)-If I could afford it, which I cannot at the present time alas.

Management Lessons Part II

Back Story: Tuesday I was the senior counselor on duty, meaning I was the go to person for all problems actual and by phone. All other senior staff seemed to be out, either sick or mia! At about 1:00 my manager came in and I was sitting in her office. She showed me a report that related environmental problems that had been reported in our office. There had been numerous complaints of upper respiratory infections and allergies and even sever allergy problems (me.) So as I read the report I took pictures with my iphone (so handy.) so that I could look up the molds when I got to a computer. Ad it turns out, some of the molds and fungi are quite dangerous!

We had a staff meeting yesterday. I was sitting up front with the management team.

when we got to the part of the meeting to talk about the report, she said that the inspection had been done and there was a report and a clean up was going to be done. I piped up and said that perhaps she should tell the staff what molds were discovered. She said that the report did not say.

I'm talking about a person who had been a close friend and mentor. Or as Friedrich Nietzsche said: “‎I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you"

I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you”

Oncologist today

I have my support group for partners of lesbians with cancer on Monday nights. I skipped last night. I've been having some flare ups of neuropathy from my sci. Which seems like nothing compared to what I hear on Monday nights. I can't write about it, but just try to imagine. SBLis one the the mildest cases. And one women is on her second partner, after number one passed away, oy.
Work has become more, just nuts. The problem with working for the government is that it's just so darn hard to quit-read pension. And if I stay for 3 more years I'll have 15 years which doesn't amount to a hill of beans pension anyhow, but it's more than many people have. So don't let me whine.
My little family is coming from Ohio to give support to BL. That will be gran, aka my Aunt Julie-she'll be 93 this summer-I think-and is still getting around with a walker and playing the penny slots. Coming with her my cousing MM and her partner J. MM came out in life- about 5 years ago after years of me speculating. She's in her mid 50's and though we grew up neare each other-like 1/2 a block, we never really knew each other until our respective parents-her father and my mother-brother and sister who had been feuding since my grandmothers will was read- I was 7, MM was 3-5? That's a long time to hold a grudge!
Also joining us will be the elder cousin J and the youngster-in her early 40's E, the grandchild of gran. All at the beach. We'll have fun!