Processing Counselor

Stuff Follow Up

2012-01-07T08:03:00.007-05:00

Thanks for all of your support and particularly advice from Teri and Jooli. I have talked to a lawyer who gave me similar advice to that of yours. I kept my head low through the holidays, skipping both holiday parties. (and that's another story.)

Things have been calming down. I still feel, keenly, the loss of my friend. I have processed and processed this with my therapist, God bless her. She feels the friendship if there is ever a chance for healing, is damaged beyond repair.

I'll call her Sheila and I are still not speaking, though before the last management team meeting she did ask "How was your Holiday." And I answered. "Quiet." And I asked back. This was the longest communication we have had. When you have an organization with one person-at this time-at the top of the chart and 4 people (Sheila and me) at the second layer. It's hard to find friends. The other two are two very nice men, one an ultra-orthodox (anti abortion, anti women on the altar) Catholic, the other just a very nice psychologist.

On other fronts we have a vacation coming up, a cruise to the Caribbean at the end of the month, and boy do I need to get away. Hmm, I wonder if they need counselors in Belize...?

Friday Five-To Do list

2011-12-16T06:01:00.010-05:00

Jan posted this anxiety producing FF:

Actually I'm pretty far along.

1. I get small gifts for my Counseling Unit and support staff which this year swelled to 12 people. I attended an 'Etsy' craft fair in October and got a swell bargain. Hand carved animals on pedestals, small for desktops at$1. each. Yes, you heard me. A buck each and they're really nice. See above. I even saved one for ME! And I bought all they had and had enough for the counselors and bought earrings at 10. for the secretary's.

2. Beloved and Godchild had birthdays earlier in the month so I got presents then even though Godchild hasn't gotten hers yes (and I can't find it.) But I will...

3. One crisis, got Beloved something with a top and a bottom-a set (she sometimes reads this.) and they just sent the top! Who ever heard of selling just the tops? Wish I could be more specific.

4. We don't do a tree, but next Wednesday the Menorah will be out. I thought about a tree in the beach place, but we're only there on weekends at this point and I worried about fire.

5. Last Friday we bought and wrapped our gifts for homeless kidswith the Catholic Lesbians and this weekend we're preparing tips for the doormen, porters, handymen, super, etc-the most expensive part of the holidays.

Bonus:

I've joined a new church, St. James of Jerusalem Episcopal Church. We'll see how it goes. They have a gay priest!

Friday Five-Random

2011-12-09T09:00:00.004-05:00

Random-
I haven't posted for awhile because I've been involved in my own mishegoss
(Mishegoss: Yiddish-(mish-uh-goss) neurosis, craziness, psychological shtick, insanity, idée fixée, foolish notion. ) for more about that read my previous few posts.

But now for my randomness:

1. I grew up in my mothers grocery store. It was before big supermarkets and was really my mother's and my aunt's. It had been my grandfathers and farmers would phone in their orders, "operator, I would like Yezzo's Market." And we would deliver in an old Ford panel truck. My cousin and I would sit in the spare tire and smoke candy cigarettes while my aunt did all the work. I was 7 or 8 when they closed it.

2. I worked in summer stock for 3 years while I was in college. I met the likes of Vivian Vance, Paul Lynde and a host of other fading stars and luninaries. I was a scenic designer and actually came to NY to do that.

3. The first job I got in NYC was for an interior design firm. We did store planning and I did everything from making coffee to shopping for sample in the D& D building. I also went to job sites and painted murals. I recently visited one of my murals which still existes. It's on a set of elevator doors and the surround. I had to paint around the opening and closing of the doors. Really.

4. My first weekend place was in Orient, NY where I learned to sail, clam, crab, scallop.

5. I went back to school to get a masters degree in counseling when the Aids pandemic hit and many of my colleagues and friends started to die. I felt that I could help more elsewhere. I'm currently studying Trauma.

New Stuff

2011-12-02T09:22:00.003-05:00

I've been sitting at my desk brewing. I've been generally unhappy at work. Not with the work, which is stimulating. And I just finished a class on Trauma which was generally great and which I find myself already using in my work, and I'm considering taking a training program-1-2 years for certification and an area of specialty.
What I'm brewing about is the change of atmosphere and attitude in the office. I've been a Senior Counselor in this office since 2007. It was a promotion from another office. Senior Counselor is first line management. Now there are 3 of us for about 228 counselors, arranged in units of about 14. Mine has 9 counselors and 4 support staff, with one counselor and one support staff on long term sick leave.
We have just come through an acrimonious period with a District Office Manager who was my dear friend and my difficult manager and who was universally disliked by the office. I was distrusted because I was her-long term-friend. Also in my unit I had a union organizer who was required to spend long periods of time in Albany. My friend/boss became seriously ill and retired. Shortly thereafter, my counselor sent a four page letter to Humal Resources complaining about me and my management of him, with frequent references to my boss-she was quite the micromanager! This lette was discussed by much higher ups, including the assistant commisioner and the counselor was transferred to a different unit. The letter was full of lies. It was also written by a union lawyer. I was given no recourse.
This is all a lead in to what happened next.
I had one good friend in the office. She was the other lesbian here. When I got here she asked me to supervise her in finishing her masters degree in counseling, which I did gladly. We have been good friends ever since, socializing with our partners and lunching several times a week. About two months ago I noticed that she was no longer available for lunch. It was her busy month and she was wearing a soft cast for a leg injury, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. but it went on. We finally had lunch, she was stiff. Finally I stopped by her office to chat and she let me have it! She said that I took the management position on union negotions. I was at fault with the counselor. I could have bent the rules to accomodate him. (did I mention that my boss was a micromanager?) She had no interest in anything I had to say, and she did 'nt even give me a chance to speak- and we have not spoken since. I'm hurt and I'm angry. She's not a senior, but she's on the management team. At this time she's the only other woman on the management team. I feel so awkward just being in this small community right now. I also know from her strong reaction that Brian showed the letter he wrote to others and she saw it.
If anyone has any advice for me, I'd really appreciate it.

When it Rains

2011-10-16T10:21:00.003-05:00

I went into my interim boss's office office on Friday, you may remember my boss/friend has Pancreatic cancer, but more about that in another post, he said "I have something to talk to you about."

I seems that a difficult counselor, I'll call him 'Brian,' has complained about me to the "head office" and has goner to the union attorney. He complained about a list of things that my boss refused to show me-he didn't want to upset me, and 'Brian' asked for a change of senior counselors. He is heavily into the union. It all started when I forgot to approve his vacation with 3 weeks. I did approve it verbally, and put it in my vacation, days out calendar, but it must be done in writing and he filed another union grievance through against me, using the union Foreman, I'll call "Ivory," a woman who has been bullying me since I took this position.

Apparently since my former boss and dear friend retired (due to her illness) I have become her replacement for retaliation.

I wish I could retire tomorrow...

Funny How That Happens

2011-09-10T07:07:00.003-05:00

This week we had a Management Team Meeting scheduled. I arrived feeling cranky and expecting to be sitting for 3 hours. My friend/boss was the last to arrive. She spoke first and said she had something to tell us. She said that, of course we knew that she filmed her apartment makeover for the Nate Berkus show last week. They required a medical release. She had a Drs. appointment but was going to cancel it because she before the show came up, she and her husband had a huge bike ride-taking a week or something like that-and she didn't have time for the doc. She had been feeling under the weather for months now, nothing big, just general malaise.

But she went to the doc and described her symptoms and he said, well we'll just do a CT scan.

She has pancreatic cancer.

Suddenly she is no longer my boss and is my beloved friend and I have tears running down my face as I write this.

Friday Five Your Workspace

2011-09-09T04:41:00.005-05:00

(The first picture is of my talismans. The second is of my office, or of a corner of it. I'm doing this from my office and on a PC, so it hard to manipulate.-I 'm used to a Mac.)

RevKarla posted this funny FF:

1. My wonderful ergonomic chair that I have carried from office to office and the fabric is now shredded from the substandard "new wooden desks."
2. The wooden desk. As a State of NY Office, our furniture in made in NY State Prisons, Oh Yes. And it tends to shred and fall apart. The beautiful new desks are made of soft woods and when we got them we found that the tops marked so easily-by writing on a paper with a pen, that we had to buy glass tops!
3. My huge cardboard sculpture, leftover packing material from the desks, that sits on top on my bookcase.

I also have a little, strange altar.
4. Piles of files, awaiting my approval, correction, or something else. Just passing through.
5. Photographs of various trips I have taken.

Friday Five-The Season You're In

2011-09-02T05:52:00.007-05:00

Kathrynzj posted this thoughtful FF:

"Headquarters for me is the northeast of the United States. Here school is getting back in session, the tease of autumn is in the air (or the hope for the tease of autumn is in the air) and church life is gearing up to full throttle.

One thing I've learned with blogging and social media is that the where I live is not necessarily where you live. And so I want to know what September means to you, in your place of the world and time in your life.

This week's Friday Five is:

What are 5 things that the beginning of September mean to you?"

1. As a Certified Rehabilitation Counselor working for State Rehab., we help individuals with disabilities to go to work, go back to work, find different work after acquiring a disability, or in the case of young adults born with disabilities, after graduation from HS (the short form of what we do) it means all the minutia of college plans. We've been working on them for months, but now it's where is my book voucher? will I get carfare? etc.

2. Even though summer in NY isn't always pleasant, smelly, humid and all that, it means the end of sandals and I love them! I stretch that season as far as it will go!

3. Ditto for heavy clothes. Wish I could give them all to Goodwill. (Which is a very good Rehabilitation agency btw and you should donate to them instead of the Salvation Army which is very Homophobic!)

4. This is the long slippery slide into winter, which I really don't like much. I grew up with lake effect show and after snow days were no longer an issue, snow just became a big problem. NY is much better than my home state, well until last year.

5. So in summary, you can see why Beloved and I have our cruise planned for the end of January!

Bonus: What's one thing you could do without?

Whooops! I may have already done this :-(

Work-Oy

2011-08-20T07:00:00.007-05:00

At 3:45 yesterday, my boss called me into her office. I had been expecting the call. It was about a case that was a minor problem. The counselor was away. Her brother had died unexpectedly. My boss, I'll call her Laur*e, has been very busy as she is going to be on a TV talk show, the Nate Berkus Show in September to have her fashionable Upper East Side apartment, redesigned. (she is an habitual shopper and has clothing in her closets with tags on them. Clothing that was bought years ago.) I know this because I am allegedly her friend. Or was. But not on Friday afternoon when she is screaming at me about a case that I know little about with her door open so that the whole hallway can hear. And is giving me instructions. By this time it's 15 minutes before I have to leave and this has to be done by Monday-my day off. (Forgive me, but I'm twitching as I write this.)

I managed to follow all of her screamed orders, and even finished not too late, but late enough for someone who started at 7:30 am But I have to see her again at a party for a friend who got married in the first wave of the NYC gay marriages yesterdays.

I am a quiet person. A cooperative person. I do not respond well to screaming. I scares me. It's a response to the trauma of growing up in an Alcoholic household where there was a lot of screaming and yelling and fighting going on. I is hard on my and really stresses me out. I would never ever treat my counselors light that.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Friday Five Road Trips

2011-08-19T04:37:00.005-05:00

Jan Gives us this Friday Five:

Tell us about five road trips--in your childhood, in your family, in your recent past, with friends, and/or hoped-for-places-to-drive-to. Don't forget the one that stands out as the BEST or as the worsttime.

1. All of our vacations as children were road trips, even the one to Niagra Falls, from Ohio to Canada with the Grandparents. Usually my parents and me, and my cousin-as we both were only children and got to go on each others vacations. They usually involved driving to some not too far interesting site, staying at a motel with a pool, and eating in lots of restaurants.

2. The most interesting road trip Beloved and I took involved flying to the Canadian Rockies, taking a train with a glass top to...somewhere in the Canadian Rockies, then driving around the Rockies with stops in Lake Louise, Banf and Jasper. We stayed at resorts build by the railroad. Wonderful and beautiful.

3. Three years ago Beloved and Godchild and I drove back to the hometown to celebrate Aunt Julies 90th. It was a sentimental journey along interstate 80, eating at truckstops. It only took about 9 hours, but I have done it many times and Godchild never. It was fun.

Friday Five-Decisions Decisons

2011-07-29T07:14:00.003-05:00

Friday, July 29, 2011

Friday Five: Decisions, Decisions (deja vu edition)

"I am pinch hitting today, my first time, as your Friday Five RevGal. Like the song "The Macarena" was for Los Del Rio, this could very well be a one-hit wonder, so thanks for playing!

Today we play off of one of my favorite and most memorable Friday Fives to blog from: Decisions, Decisions posted by Songbird last July 23. I went back to that post to make sure I had new choices for you to make. I found out -- again -- that she was then, as I have been recently, in the midst of a discernment process and thinking about what goes into decision making.

A decision from history: There is a chair that still sits in the Assembly Room of the Pennsylvania State House (Independence Hall). Legend has it that it was George Washington's chair, the back carved with a half sun. Benjamin Franklin would look at it and wonder whether it was a rising or a setting sun. Eventually Franklin decided it was the hopeful symbol of the rising sun, a sign of the future of our new republic.

How do you decide? Check out the following pairs and tell which one of each appeals to you most: "

1) Sunrise or Sunset

I love both but when I see sunrise I'm usually on my way to work, so my choice is sunset!

2) To the Mountains or To the Beach

The Beach where I am blogging from RIGHT NOW!

3) Coffee or Tea

Coffee and I just bought one of those new fangeled cup using machines to prove it!

4) Advent or Lent

Advent, more cheerful and shorter, On the other hand, Lent because when it ends, spring is here! A draw.

5) "Raindrops on Roses" or "Whiskers on Kittens"

"Raindrops on Roses" allergic to kittens.

BONUS: Tell more about one of the pairs. Why did you choose it? Difficult or easy choice? A story from your own experience?

Choosing continuing ed. right now. I'm considering a certificate in Trauma. The school is the National Institute of Psychotherapies. I'll also have to do a certificate in EMDR, pre-training. I haven't signed up for it yet because the school's website lists the courses but does not list prices??

Summer Friday Five

2011-07-08T05:14:00.004-05:00

Dorcas posted this Friday Five:

"Share five things that are happening in your life, personally or professionally or some of each, in this

season of life."

1. We're relaxing after beloved's dx and subsequent tx of breast cancer. She's gotten the all clear for now and is just taking the 5 years of meds. That's a relief... for now.

2. We're finally able to enjoy the beach palace, aka a condo in Long Beach, NY that a year ago last weekend we first camped out again on an air mattress, in the middle of major rehab. Then we used the shower near the pool on the first floor. Now things are much better.

3. We are planning two weeks there!

4. Work.

5. Play and rest.

Celebration

2011-06-25T06:23:00.010-05:00

As you may have heard-

this from the New York Times:

New York Allows Same-Sex Marriage, Becoming Largest State to Pass Law

By NICHOLAS CONFESSORE and MICHAEL BARBARO

"ALBANY — Lawmakers voted late Friday to legalize same-sex marriage, making New York the largest state where gay and lesbian couples will be able to wed and giving the national gay-rights movement new momentum from the state where it was born.

The New York marriage bill, whose fate was uncertain until moments before the vote, was approved 33 to 29 in a packed but hushed Senate chamber. Four members of the Republican majority joined all but one Democrat in the Senate in supporting the measure after an intense and emotional campaign aimed at the handful of lawmakers wrestling with a decision that divided their friends, their constituents and sometimes their own homes.

With his position still undeclared, Senator Mark J. Grisanti, a Republican from Buffalo who had sought office promising to oppose same-sex marriage, told his colleagues he had agonized for months before concluding he had been wrong.

“I apologize for those who feel offended,” Mr. Grisanti said, adding, “I cannot deny a person, a human being, a taxpayer, a worker, the people of my district and across this state, the State of New York, and those people who make this the great state that it is the same rights that I have with my wife.” ed note. I love this

Senate approval was the final hurdle for the same-sex marriage legislation, which was approved last week by the Assembly. Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo signed the measure at 11:55 p.m., and the law will go into effect in 30 days, meaning that same-sex couples could begin marrying in New York by late July."

I came to NYC in 1972 when gay bars were still being raided and the names of people were being published in the newspapers, wrecking marriages and careers, and lives... Homosexuality was a mental illness. I quickly became involved in the new Gay Rights movement as well as the Feminist Movement in which I had been active in my native Ohio. I never thought I would see this day. As a matter of fact last night I went to sleep not even bothering to watch TV rather than being disappointed again. Beloved got home from Shul-where Cynthia Nixon, you know, the same one, was the guest speaker on guess what, her work toward marriage equality. It was standing or sitting in the aisles only.Beloved woke me up when she got home and said it was coming up for vote and didn't I want to watch, I said no.

This morning...Well, Wow!

If, you're coming to NY to get married, let me be your personal tour guide. I'd be delighted!

Sad

2011-06-21T05:02:00.003-05:00

You may or may not know that I have been in a Lesbian Care Givers and Partners Group since Beloved was diagnosed with breast cancer, now thankfully in remission.

I got the news that one of my group members partner died this weekend. It was a shock. She did not die of cancer. She died of a reaction to the chemotherapy. It happened a while ago and they said she was going to die then. Her lungs developed some inability to be flexible. But she was getting better and she was in rehab. Then she had a pulmonary embolism and died. Her partner has to move out of their home as it belonged to one who died and the mother is taking it. (no will)

Pray for gay marriage.

See her blog.

http://wtfcancerdiaries.com/

Ennui

2011-06-18T06:11:00.005-05:00

One of my favorite words. I've been feeling it lately and especially toward my blog. Sometimes I manage the Friday Five and that's about it.

What's been going on? Last week we managed to remove the towers of boxes that have been living in the tiny apartment all winter, since before Beloved's diagnosis, and growing, to the Beach Palace. We had the aid of Star Movers and they were stars indeed. Now we are in the process of emptying the boxes and figuring out where to put the stuff. I had no idea I had so many art supplies, paint, paper of different kinds, brushes from when I was in school in the late 60's ( I bought quality.) Now I have space to work again. Also jewelry making supplies-hmm where can I solder... Where can I put a kiln?

Work is still way more irritating that it should be. I'm the senior counselor specialist on substance abuse and re-entry (individuals with disabilities who are just getting out of prison.) in our office. I was at a Re-entry Roundtable. The speaker was Kathy Boudin, who has been released from prison and had earned her doctorate. I was really looking forward to it because she was part of the history of my college years. I got a text from my boss. Then another, call me right away, call me it's an emergency! "An emergency?" I had a union grievance from one of my counselors. Why? I forgot to approve his vacation. He asked me by e-mail. His office is about 10 offices away from mine and he comes to my office about once a day to drop off files to be approved. Why couldn't he remind me? I have an aging brain and I had already put it in my vacation calendar, so it was approved in my mind, I just forgot to let him know. I had to leave the presentation and go to a computer to check to see if I had actually replied. So I went home. I didn't.

After discussing my distress with a smart, thoughtful peer at why someone who I considered a friendly worker would actually do something like this over such a petty topic, I talked to him yesterday. I said, I'll call him Bruce, Bruce, why didn't you just remind me about your vacation. I would have approved it on the spot. He looked at the floor and said it was not a good time to discuss it, that he had just seen 4 clients and didn't want to talk about it now. I know it's retribution for my enforcement of a new and, imho, bad policy. Oh well, that's why they pay me the big bucks.

I never got to see Kathy Boudin, but I did talk to her and got her card. We're going to invite her to speak at our Re-entry Consortium.

Achoo Friday Five

2011-05-27T04:33:00.006-05:00

Mary Beth posted this Friday Five and I like it:"Hello, my name is Mary Beth, and I'm allergic to ligustrum."

So, thinking about allergies:

1. Do you experience any seasonal allergies? Are you allergic to anything else?

My allergies are year round. Grass, dust, mold, trees, goats, vitamin K etc. I have a sensitivity to spinach that keeps me in the wc for hours but I figured that out for myself! It took years, my mother said I was nervous as she served delicious spinach dishes which I wolfed down! Finally put two and two together when spinach salads became in vogue.

Every year when I was a kid I experienced itchy eyes, ears, sniffles, sneezing etc. My eyes would get so red! Also that place, the nexus between my ears, and throat.

2. What kinds of symptoms do you experience during your allergic reactions?
My father thought I had a cold-endless- and made me wear a sweater in the hot humid weather of the Ohio Valley. Finally I got worse and was sent to a specialist for my tonsils. He also happened to be an Allergist. And he tested my...every year for the next 17 years it seems. Oh, I also had scary nosebleeds and spent long periods of time on his back room leather chaise longe.

The last time he tested me, skin tests, I had moved away and was visiting my parents I went for an appointment and a referral in NY, I had the tests and scripts, then left. While waiting for my ride, I noticed some hived. I called the office and my voice was hoarse. by the time I got back upstairs I was in anapylactic shock. They treated me there! Scary...

3. How do you manage your allergies? (i.e: medication, avoidance, alternative therapies, etc)

I took shots for YEAR! Weekly, YEAR I say, YEARS. I stopped when my last allergist died. He was JFK's allergist, I learned from his obit in the NY Times. Now I take Zyrtec. It really works. At our decaying State Office Building, many of us have been developing strange allergies. I had an asthma attack and I'm normally only asthmatic around cats! The government runs slowly... They brought in an independent testing company and they found we have bad air, molds etc. Now I have an Epi Pen and inhalers in my desk. Sigh!

4. What is the strangest allergy you've ever heard of?

A friend, a lawyer, developed multiple allergies to chemicals after new carpets were installed in her office. She ultimately was fired.

5. How do you feel about school and social policies that banning peanuts and other allergens?

I for them!

Royal Wedding Friday Five

2011-04-29T06:32:00.006-05:00

From our Royal Wedding in Toronto
Kathrynzj's offers this Royal Wedding Friday Five:

1) Will you be watching? If so, is this your first royal wedding?

I am watching between doing the laundry and packing for a weekend retreat given by Congregation Bet Simcah Torah, my Beloved's place of worship...You know where they rented us their space but the rabbi refused to marry us because I'm-as she calls me, a Non-Jew. No, I don't carry any resentments. I haven't gone for a few years but as BL has cancer I relented and have agreed to go this year. My Ipad is loaded with books...

This is not my first. The first that i remember was Princess Diana watched from my (tiny) office early in the morning with a bunch of gay guys and I think Champagne. It was fun.
2) The bride has chosen as her wedding cake a fruitcake. Where do you stand on this pastry?

Fruitcake? With all those other great cakes in the world. I like the idea of one for the bride and one for the groom, flavors of their choice, Maybe Vanilla with a great custard filling for her and of course chocolate for him!

3) The dress code for royal weddings has not seen the same sad decline as that for most other weddings. If you could design your own royal wedding hat, what color would it be and what special decoration would it feature?

Mine would definitely have a live bird, or maybe a small dog or a squirrel!

4) Any chance the Archbishop of Canterbury is using a Sustainable Sermon (tip of the mitre to the Vicar of Hogsmeade)? What would you tell the couple were you offering the homily?

Not sure what this is, but if you Gals like is I'm all for it, if it's short. Don't want to sit too long. Wrinkles the duds.

5) Believe it or not, kathrynzj is getting up early mostly to see the wedding dress. By the time this post is up, the world will have seen it. Did you like it?

I saw the train and the back of the veil and that looked fairly traditional. So the vote is not in yet. I was white. And I know that they have been living together :-0

News from the church I don't attend but that I do belong to a their Lesbian Group

2011-04-18T18:58:00.005-05:00

News from My Little Catholic Church

No Catholic Church is a little church. They are all part of a bigger church, the One Holy Catholic Church and at the head of the church is, of course is Big Brother.

Two years ago, the diocese of New York got a new Archbishop who tolerated our LGBT Group from Saint Francis Xavier marching in the LGBT March-the first one, the one that was generated by the Stonewall riots in 1969 and has been going ever since. The group has been marching a number of years. Last year we got a letter from the Archbishop saying that he would not like to see our banner in the march. The leadership of the Women's group and the Men's group-see even hierarchy there, decided to march anyhow, but with the banner turned around with a blank front. I got the following e-mail from the LGBT leadership yesterday:

Dear Friends,

We wanted to update you on the New York City LGBT Pride March and the use of the parish banner for the Church of St. Francis Xavier. Last year, Archbishop Timothy Dolan indicated that he would not like to see any Catholic parish participating in the Pride March under its parish banner, and in response and ongoing consultation with our community, we turned the banner backward.

The leaders of the Catholic Lesbians and Gay Catholics at Xavier got together on March 3, 2011, and came up with a proposal for deciding this year how we would participate in the Pride March. Leaders from the two ministries met with the Pastoral Council on March 21, proposing that we host a parishwide meeting or series of meetings, with a vote to determine our manner of participation in the march. The Pastoral Council and Father Joe Costantinodecided against our proposal. They recommended that we not have such a vote and that we come up with a creative alternative to using the parish banner. The notes from that meeting are available atwww.sfxavier.org/wordpress/sfx/pastoral-council.

On April 12, the leaders of our two groups met at length and prayerfully discerned our next steps. After carefully looking at all of the alternatives, and with open and respectful sharing, we decided to march with the banner facing forward. We realize that this difficult decision may not please everyone, though informal polling over the past several weeks indicates that there is a likely majority in the community at Xavier for going back to how we usually participate.

Father Joe, in an e-mail to the LGBT ministries leaders, stated that while he supports the LGBT ministries at Xavier and will continue to pray for us, if we march with the banner forward, we will not be given “Welcome to St. Francis Xavier” brochures to distribute, we will not be given a blessing, we will not be included in Prayers of the Faithful, and we will not receive other recognition at the Mass on the morning of the march as historically has been done. In addition, no funds will be released from the parish LGBT account for anything connected with the march, no media will be allowed into the church, the attached press release will be posted on the church Web site, and Father Joe will contact ArchbishopDolan about our participation.

Jesus taught us a prayer that can unite us when we have our differences, and so we pray, “Thy will be done.”

Peace be with you,

Catholic Lesbians and Gay Catholics, the Church of St. Francis Xavier

Visit with New Doc Redux

2011-04-05T05:44:00.007-05:00

So, we got there at 10:30AM for a 10:45 apt. Signed in at 2 desks, although Beloved is electronically recorded at Sloan Kettering on the BIG COMPUTER and we have answered the same questions many, many times. The we met with the Resident for about a 1/2 hour, short wait, met with the nurse for about a 1/2 hour-the first bit of information was well you'll be lying on your back. Freak out from BL, who's mother died of Lung Cancer and who DOES NOT, Do you hear me, DOES NOT want radiation anywhere near her lungs. I knew things would go downhill from there... The explanation from the very nice nurse, Holly. It seems that they explain generally, and that was only one way that they position people. Oy.

Then finally the Doc comes in. She was small, asian, poised, and it could have just been that she was wearing Christian Louboutin pumps. BL started in on her story, and the doc with the unfortunate name, said "why don't I just let you talk and I'll answer your questions. Near the end of the soliloquy, she said I suggest you get a second opinion and then consider your options. She suggested another hospital.

It was my day off, and I was supposed to see my hairdresser after, but I went home and fell dead asleep, woke up enough to cancel my appointment, and went back to sleep. I was awake in time to go to my Lesbian Cancer caregivers and partners support group. It's great, the leader is great, the women are great. After we had a focus group with food and more women from previous groups. Also great.

Visit With a New Doc Today

2011-04-04T06:42:00.009-05:00

She's the doc that reads the Oncotype (this specialized graph that indicated the type of tumor and the likelihood of recurrence in the distant future (per their website and as I understand it.) This is the third doc, surgeon, Oncologist, and Radiologist and Onco-Radiologist with the unfortunate name of Dr. Ho! They have all been lovely to date. All youngish-from my point of view-women who seem to be really, really smart. And kind and willing to answer BL's endless questions. Let's hope Dr. Ho fits the mold.

Things at home have been tense. I have been feeling left out. BL has a whole crop of advisors. She leans toward the homeopathic/natural, I the alopathic, "listen to your doctor." Which has led to some conflict. I feel that she has been shutting me out. Naturally our couple counselor has been out of town for two weeks.

The bright spot is my support givers and partners group at the lgbt center, tonight it's followed by a focus group which included dinner. Woo hoo!! I really like the women in the group and look forward to seeing them every week.

Friday Five Quick Pick

2011-04-01T04:33:00.004-05:00

Kathrynxj posted this Friday Five:

"We're in the midst of 'it' and I'm hoping that it is not just me who is starting to get a bit overwhelmed. So for today I am asking for five quick picks of things that are good in your life. And as a bonus, 1 pick for a thing you could do without.
If you want to describe them? Great.
If not? That's fine too."

So, here's mine,

1. Very cold water and lots of it.

2. Chocolate, of course.

3. Books, of course and reading on the subway.

4. A life of the spirit.

5. My drink of choice, Coca Cola.

*And what could I give up...my present job (but not my practive)-If I could afford it, which I cannot at the present time alas.

Management Lessons Part II

2011-03-31T05:10:00.006-05:00

Back Story: Tuesday I was the senior counselor on duty, meaning I was the go to person for all problems actual and by phone. All other senior staff seemed to be out, either sick or mia! At about 1:00 my manager came in and I was sitting in her office. She showed me a report that related environmental problems that had been reported in our office. There had been numerous complaints of upper respiratory infections and allergies and even sever allergy problems (me.) So as I read the report I took pictures with my iphone (so handy.) so that I could look up the molds when I got to a computer. Ad it turns out, some of the molds and fungi are quite dangerous!

We had a staff meeting yesterday. I was sitting up front with the management team.

when we got to the part of the meeting to talk about the report, she said that the inspection had been done and there was a report and a clean up was going to be done. I piped up and said that perhaps she should tell the staff what molds were discovered. She said that the report did not say.

I'm talking about a person who had been a close friend and mentor. Or as Friedrich Nietzsche said: “‎I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you"

I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you”

Oncologist today

2011-03-15T10:39:00.002-05:00

I have my support group for partners of lesbians with cancer on Monday nights. I skipped last night. I've been having some flare ups of neuropathy from my sci. Which seems like nothing compared to what I hear on Monday nights. I can't write about it, but just try to imagine. SBLis one the the mildest cases. And one women is on her second partner, after number one passed away, oy.
Work has become more, just nuts. The problem with working for the government is that it's just so darn hard to quit-read pension. And if I stay for 3 more years I'll have 15 years which doesn't amount to a hill of beans pension anyhow, but it's more than many people have. So don't let me whine.
My little family is coming from Ohio to give support to BL. That will be gran, aka my Aunt Julie-she'll be 93 this summer-I think-and is still getting around with a walker and playing the penny slots. Coming with her my cousing MM and her partner J. MM came out in life- about 5 years ago after years of me speculating. She's in her mid 50's and though we grew up neare each other-like 1/2 a block, we never really knew each other until our respective parents-her father and my mother-brother and sister who had been feuding since my grandmothers will was read- I was 7, MM was 3-5? That's a long time to hold a grudge!
Also joining us will be the elder cousin J and the youngster-in her early 40's E, the grandchild of gran. All at the beach. We'll have fun!

I really liked this book: "Lifeguarding: A Memoir of Secrets, Swimming, and the South"

2011-02-27T07:48:00.008-05:00

This book really resonated for me as it related to many themes of my life, family alcoholism, secrets, protecting my mother. It describes a childhood, growing up in segregated 1960s Louisville in a house with many pictures of relatives who all died suddenly and young. As is the case with most houses infected by the disease of alcoholism, there are many secrets. The McCalls were members of Kentucky society-one grandfather was the founder of the country club. The narrator's father's alcoholism—less and less well-hidden—spins the family into financial turmoil and social ruin, very important in this area of the south of debutantes and country clubs, where mounting bills and her fathers difficulty of keeping a job make it impossible to retain membership. McCall, her older sister, Anne, and younger brother, Curt, are all champion swimmers, although they never make the hoped-for Olympics. Anne the older sister, takes the place of the mother who works three jobs to supplement the household income. Like the novels of Carson McCullers, this book has something for everyone. Highly recommended.

I received an Ipad for Christmas, and since then buying books has become so easy, I've become a real book whore! (As if I wasn't before, snort!)

Another promising entry, also taking place in the south is: "Qualties of Light" by,Mary Carrol Moore. Just reading it now. I'll let you know how it turns out if I like it but it looks promising, but sad.

Read Lifeguarding, You won't be sorry!

Authors website:

but don't go there first...

http://www.catherinemccall.com/

Another Surgery

2011-02-23T19:11:00.004-05:00

Beloved came home with scary news last night. She spoke to her doc and it looks like there was another tumor next to the original tumor. And it was a different kind. The surgeon removed both, although she couldn't see the second, I think. We'll be meeting with her today and I'll know more, but the margins were not big enough and BL will have to have another surgery to enlarge the margins. How can this happen and how can you be sure, if there are cells of another tumor, that aren't more tumors? I guess these are questions for the surgeon.

This whole thing scare me to death.

Friday Five Words

2011-02-18T05:48:00.004-05:00

Jan posted this thoughtful FF, Words:

"For this Friday Five, please list five words that identify your passions, spirituality, and/or life. Describe as much or as little as you wish."

This is a difficult one, so many words and only five to choose, and I love words!

1. Artistic-My first love was art. From an early age I was drawing and painting and as a kid I had a girl scout cookie box-the big one, that held a bunch of boxed to deliver with. to hold my art supplies, and I carried it everywhere. I was prepared to do my art when my mother was visiting her friends etc. No need to have a fancy tackle box or porfolio, I was prepared. I still have those tackle boxes from my undergrad. degree in Art Ed. no fine art degree in the school of my budget requirement. Still filled with the fine brushes I bought. And the first thing I bought when I came to NY was an oversized drawing table. I belonged to a feminist art collective that rented a huge loft in the village. I think my share of the rent was $25 a month-which was a lot in 1974!

2. Introvert. OK my Meyers Briggs is INFP and I'm the classic Introvert. Being around a group of people exausts me and I need a rest after a wedding or Bar Mitzah-happens to me more than you might think! Why am I a counselor. Hmm...look at the rest of the INFP of the Meyers Briggs Inverntory!

3. Visual-I'm always looking and commenting. I notice things. What people are wearing. Signs. Changed in people Everything. Once when Beloved and I were looking at apartments, we left an apartment and she asked what I though and I said the living room would have bigger without the grand piano. She said "What piano." C'est la difference!"

4. Depressive- Yes I am.

5. Disabled-that too. I have a hidden disability, Cauda Equina Syndrome. I walk with a cane. It's a spinal cord injury, actually an injury of the nerve roots that come from the base of the spine-the Cauda Equina-the Horses Tail. There are a lot of other features that I won't bore you with, but I do relate with the Disabled Community.

Super Bowl with the Catholic Girls

2011-02-07T08:54:00.007-05:00

Last night I attended a great super bowl party with the some of the women from the SFX Catholic Lesbian Group that I attend. It was great to be with community and, since I haven't been attending recently, I realized how much I missed these kind, gentle women. I have mixed feelings about going to a church that I really feel a great deal of antipathy to, but attending a group where I have great affection for the women who have great faith there. So, I'm going back to the group.

On the way into the party, I mention to BL that I had gotten some very nice comments about my Blog post Bad Day. (She had suggested I post about it.) Immediately she said, "What did you say? Tell me right now? I want to know etc? Take it down when we get home." My BL the computer expert mixed it up with with Facebook. I splained it to her, and she calmed down, but I'm wondering if I should go private for awhile. I'll have to investigate how to do this and I may have more to say and less people to say it to.

Thank you all for your support.

Had a Bad Day

2011-02-06T07:58:00.003-05:00

Those of you who are on Face Book with me may have notice that I posted that I had a really bad day on Tuesday of this week. Monday, Beloved was diagnosed with breast cancer. This, of course, qualifies as a REALY bad day when I got the call at work. But, I think the shock of my partner of 20 years-in April-has a life threatening illness didn't really wear of until we sat down with the surgeon on Tuesday. That qualifies as a bad day. The surgeon was the one who operated on BL 10 years ago for Lobular Carcinoma in Situ and explained everything so kindly. She treated me then as a spouse and still does. She is kind and takes the time to answer questions and seems really smart.

We are also at a world class hospital, Sloan Kettering in NY.

Still the news is good, but you never know. Since BL had the previous illness, she has been followed closely and they found this early. At this point they are talking a lumpectomy-I hate that term and I think it should be renamed a dumplingectomy- and 4-5 weeks of radiation. Surgery is scheduled for 2/16.

Our house is filled with anxiety due to this and some other issues that I won't discuss here but are not about our relationship.

Friday Five Books

2011-01-21T05:31:00.008-05:00

Jan posted this great FF: "I hope some of you received books for Christmas presents; I did and have been reading ever since. Then I discovered a new author from those recommendations that pop up on Amazon.com. Instead of buying those books, I've been checking them out at the library, which will not help Amazon's future recommendations for me at all.

So tell us what you're reading, what you would and would not recommend--five books or authors! And if you don't want to do that freestyle, here are some questions:"

So beloved is not from the readers. We learned early on that when she tried to buy me books, I had already read them or was not interested. And when I buy her books, I read them...

1. What books have you recently read? Tell us your opinion of them.

I've been reading 'Trauma and Recovery' by Judith Herman as recommended by my shrink, Very enlightening. A little too enlightening. I read a few pages and cry, read a few pages and cry and repeat.

2. What books are awaiting your available time to be read?

I got a swell new present for Christmas, an IPAD. I've been downloading a lot of stuff, although when I'm in place, I still like to pick up a book and I still like to graze through the Strand Bookstore-one of the best on the planet. I'm waiting to read "Jesus Freak" by Sarah Myles.

3. Have any books been recently recommended?

I'll be searching your blogs to look for suggestions.

4. What genre of books are your favorite, along with some titles and/or authors you like best?

I do love the Jeffrey Deaver, Kathy Reichs suspense, mystery's.

5. What have you read lately that you have a strong urge to recommend? (or to condemn?)

Stay tuned. I haven't read anything lately that I really loved except a series about a family of detectives that I can't remember the author or the titles-happening more and more. The series is hilarious, but, gone blank. I'll ask at work.

Friday Five Christmas Redux

2011-01-07T08:34:00.007-05:00

Kathrynzj posted this Holiday reduz: "Yes, I know it's January and yes, I know some of us are still on a cool sprint after only a brief respite (if that) from Advent and Christmas BUT... before we move too far along into The Next, I wanted to give us a chance to reflect onWhat Was.

A couple of staff members and I sat down today and wrote down what worked and didn't work during the Advent and Christmas season. There are quite a few things bearing down on us at the moment so it was a discipline to do it, but ten and a half months from now Future Me is going to LOVE that we made the effort.

And so partly to give us all a record and partly to give us all a chance to reflect on the 2010 Holiday Season now that we are out of it, I ask you this:"

1) What food item was one of your favorites this year - a definite keeper?

Well, For Christmas eve, we went really simple with Turkey, Sweet Potatoes, Peas and ta tum Pastries from a new Italian pastry shop near our new home in Long Beach. This is a going to be a new tradition. Those cookies reminded me of my mothers and they were great!

2) Was there a meal or party or a agathering that stands out in your mind from this most recent holiday season?

It was the Christmas, get-out-of-town. We heard the forecast of two feet of snow and on Christmas morning we were checking the train schedule for trains to the city-that is Manhattan. We played Scrabble on my Christmas gift ipad on the train and that was the gathering that stands out. Those that didn't leave LB-like my boss- were stuck till Wednesday.

3) Were you involved in a jaw-dropper gift? Were you the giver or recipient or an on-looker?

I was the recipient of an overly generous ipad. They say that electronics and gadgets are the gems of the future and I'm wearing it with pride and having a LOT of fun, though a bit paranoid of using it on the subway.

4) Was there at least one moment where you experienced true worship?

I've been praying for a breakthrough in my search for a higher being. I have made a resoulution to try St. James Church in Long Beach this year, but so far no experience in true worship...

5) What is at least one thing you want to make sure you do next year?

See 4

BONUS: What is something you absoutetly must remember to do differently... or not at all!

I have to remember not to stress out, to breathe, to relax and to not take things so seriously. Maybe to take a meditation class or chair yoga something to actively relax.

Friday Five Christmas Past

2010-12-17T05:30:00.005-05:00

Not my family

Jan posted this Friday Five:

1. I started talking about my childhood Christmas in a previous post. I had a drunk father who got drunker at Christmas-what a good time!- and an angry non-drunk mother who worked harder at this season. This goaded my father who wanted a stay-at-home wife to have his dinner on the table. This made for a highly anxious little Joanna.

2. Meanwhile I was in a private Catholic School where I sang in the choir, and all things Christmas was good. Talk about a mixed message. I had nobody to talk about re: this.

3. For a long time when I came to NY I had a house in the country-Orient Point, LI and we had a lot of fun at Christmas, including a lot of...you guessed it, drinking. We also gathered oysters wearing tall rubber boots in the cold. A good memory.

4. I've finally started talking about this part of my childhood and my therapist calls it Trauma. I'm reading Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman . I read a few pages and cry, repeat.

5. Now my holidays are mixed holidays are Hanukah and Christmas as my beloved is Jewish. This sometimes works well.

#reverb10- Community

2010-12-07T06:12:00.007-05:00

Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

This is a difficult season for me. The holidays were a frightening time in my family. My father would drink more than ever and my mother would stay at work longer-because they needed her and because she liked it and it was her community and because she would rather be there than at home. I knew that when my mother finally got home from work, my father would be high and angry and my mother would just be angry at my father.I would pace at the end of the driveway looking for the lights of my mothers car. I would be anxious. Happy Holidays! My therapist calls this a form of Trauma as I still get depressed around the holidays.

Now that we are spending more and more time in Long Beach, NY I am trying to find community there. The time we are spending is currently so short-weekends-that this is difficult, but I have found a nice Episcopal Church-with a gay male pastor! who I have corresponded with, but have not attended the church yet. This will be one way. I have attended some AA meetings there, but not since summer. I have had a meeting with the folks who are trying to start a lgbt community center and have said that I will help them to get it started-they are so young! So I have made a start.

As you can see, I am not quite following the rules of this reverb think, but it is getting me to blog a little more and that's making a bet of a difference, so that's what counts for me.

#reverb10- Dec. 3 Moment

2010-12-04T07:39:00.007-05:00

I've decided to participate in #reverb10 to jump start my blogging. I learned about it from another Revgal and it seemed like a good idea. I don't guarantee I will do it every day or that I will finish, but I will try.
So day one for me is:
December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).
We arrived in Turkey. The first day and the second day are mixed up in my mind but the first evening that we had on our own, I think was actually the second night or at least we had a full nights sleep. Beloved and I walked out into an area with no vehicle traffic, just foot traffic. It was busy. People in western dress and in eastern dress, women covered and uncovered, that is in burkahs and in western dress. My godchild who lived in Turkey for 5 years told us that it had become much more conservative, but to my uneducated eye not so draconian.
The street had many vendors including men, all the vendors were men squeezing pomegranates for juice and selling the juice which was ruby red and the seeds were like jewels. There were men selling all kinds of things, jewelery, pashima scarves. It was noisy, but not worse than NY on a noisy day, but my eyes were full of colors and new sights, exotic, exciting but European at the same time. The smell of food, smoke, body odor was everywhere.
We came to an area with small alleyways and lots of restaurants and looked into a number of them, and chose one at random. It was a hole in the wall with tables outside for smoking-we though as there was a man out there smoking- and inside tables with no customers. I guess we were early.
We ordered using what English the owner/waiter knew and the food was delicious. I had BBQ chicken cooked over a wood fire. It tasted like the best chicken I ever had, juicy, yet a little charred on the outside. The man outside was eating cheese and pickles and drinking Rake poured over a spoon into water where it made the water cloudy. We asked about the cheese. The waiter said "you don't want that!" We persisted! He continued. Finally, Beloved said we would order some. The waiter brought us a small sample. It looked like a solid white cheese as if you could slice Ricotta, but the taste was slightly funky and not really pleasant. I have eaten many cheeses, so was glad to have had a taste, but then the waiter told us it was made from the intestine-of what I am not sure. Then I was glad to have had just a taste.
After dinner we went to a dessert cafe where they had so many wonderful desserts including one made from chicken breast shredded and made with a sweet custard. The man next to us said it was good but hard to eat because of the stringy texture. I loved Turkey.

2010-12-03T06:07:00.004-05:00

Kathrynzj posted this excellent FF: "Whether a RevGal or a Pal most of us in this cyber community have enhanced responsibilities during this time of year. We also have traditions - religious and secular - that mark the season for us in a more personal way.

For this Friday Five please let us know five of the things that mark the season for you.

And the bonus? Tell us one thing that does absolutely nothing for you."

1. Tonight I will be wrapping gifts we give to homeless children with my SFX Lesbian Group-still not Catholic but still hanging out with them...

2. The Office Christmas Party. Yes I like it and it's fun because my counselor, Brian makes this game called 'ghetto grab bag' that is so funny, yet so mean and takes so long that every one is engaged and happy by the end and we go to really good restaurant in Brooklyn!

3. Lighting the Menorah with Beloved, because it's so intimate and lovely and watching the little candles grow every night and she says the prayer in Hebrew.

4. Seeing all the strange and makeshift lights on my street, because of course, we have not front yards so people make do and it's all kind of strange and fun.

Bonus 5. I hate that it all started before Thanksgiving and some of it even before Haloween, can you believe it!

Management Lessons

2010-12-02T05:59:00.006-05:00

1.) Lesson One Never publicly chastize an employee. If you feel the need to correct an employee, take them aside or wait till later and call them to your office and speak with them.

I'm a counselor and also first level management, that is I'm a senior counselor and I manage a unit of 10, 7 counselors and 3 support staff. I attend many meetings including 2 management team meetings per month. I may have mentioned previously that about 2 years ago, my very good friend became our office manager. This has created boundary issues for me and for her in particular-I think.

Our office is very diverse with staff from Nigeria, Russia, Jamaica and lots of other islands, Puerto Rico, China, and etc. The new manager, a white Jewish woman (and I mention this because this is the default manager for our agency) rather than taking it slow when she came in, and getting the lay of the land, starting making change, some of it draconian, immediately. This caused instability in the office who had heard of this individual-as we are a small agency relatively-and were tentative about her coming to our office, or outright afraid.

This ultimately resulted in a letter from the staff to Human Resources and a meeting with the Assistant Commissioner and the District Office Manager and the staff, but not the offending manager. And some follow up corrective actions and some paranoia.
That's the setup:

In my unit I have several people with disabilities including myself, but one uses Access A Ride, the local option for individuals with disabilities who can't use bus/subways. This is a good but creaky option which requires reservations and wait time.

The day before a holiday we ofter close early, but we never know until the whim of the manager of that moment. Even the supervisors, first line managers don't know, so I made the mistake of asking at the management team meeting. I was publicly humiliated by my boss/friend who said, "You should know better. You work for the government. We never close early. If that happens if happens quietly and it's a gift. You don't ask if you're getting a gift?" All at shouting level. I explained that I was just trying to make arrangements for my counselor-who is also recovering from double c-spine surgery. "We can't make arrangements for every counselor." All this from a professional who works for people with disabilities.

Friday Five Pie-O-La

2010-11-26T10:19:00.008-05:00

Songbird posted this topical Friday Five and what an excellent one it is:

1. Are pies an important part of a holiday meal?

Most definitely! When I was growing up in the middle of an orchard, we had many, many pies and everybody had their specialities. My Aunt Mary made a lemon meringue pie the likes of which I have not had since she passed away. It was so good and the meringue was perfect, sweet and with little beads of liquid sugar when it was humid. Yum. But we also grew sour cherries, perfect for pies, and peaches, plums, apples, I could go on and on. Yesterday we went out and I skipped the pumpkin-I only like mine- for coconut custard because I like custard pie. Not bad...

2. Men prefer pie; women prefer cake. Discuss

Hadn't really noticed. But the men I have observed growing up liked both and I do too.

3. Cherries-do they belong in a pie.

Yah, you betcha!

4.Meringue-if you have to choose, is it best on lemon or chocolate?

Never on chocolate, only on lemon.

5. In a chicken pie, what are the most compatible vegetables? Anything yo don't like to find in a chicken pie.

OK. Who ever had that really bad idea to put red peppers or any peppers in to chicken pot pie for a "little color?" Might as well cut up crayons and drop them in. Chicken pot pie is nice and comforting, why mess with it. I hate peppers! Just some nice peas and carrots and some potatoes and maybe a little, very little celery. Ok that's it and big pieces of chicken, white meat please.

Friday Five Unexpected Things

2010-11-19T05:59:00.006-05:00

Jan posted this-not so easy- Friday Five:

"With the American holiday of Thanksgiving being less than a week away, I tried to think of some questions for Friday Five that could be connected to this, but in a new way. So here is my one try:

Name five things that were unexpected in your life that you are now grateful for."

1. I was born! Yes, my fathers first wife died of an illegal abortion and he wanted my mother to have one too (found that gem out when they were fighting and I was in the 7th grade in Catholic School-it did make quite an impression on me!) I also found out my mother was divorced. Wow! Years later, my elderly aunt told me this information, maybe 10 years ago, and I was able to tell her how I found out about it. Made quite an impression on a Catholic 7th grader, I must say!

2. I was a lesbian! It started to dawn on my when I found myself stalking my World History teacher, Ms Marsco! Not outside of school, but inside. It was a slow dawning of what this was all about, but by senior year, when I had several crushes on other students, I was getting it! Of course I dated boys all through college, no gay groups then until the Kent State Gay Liberation Front when I finally came out then went back in to do student teaching. I was still living at home.

3. I moved to NYC right after College. What was I thinking? But I was brave and I persevered and lived in a 5th floor walk up with cockroaches that had two arson fires, one that had us move out-where was the Red Cross? I lived on a friends couch for a week the went to my parents for two weeks-unpaid-my job had no sick or vacation time or insurance. I'm still here and happy!

4.I met beloved after kissing lots for frogs! I went to work at NYC NOW , the founding chapter, (a change of careers job) and she was a 'straight' volunteer'. Well she started paying a lot of attention to me and finally asked me out to dinner. 20 years this spring...

5. I'm still alive after all of this and some more. And I'm grateful to be here.

Friday Five-Winter's on the Way

2010-11-12T05:39:00.013-05:00

When I was little and it snowed, I played with my cousins!

I'm the one in the middle.

Singing Owl posted this timely FF "The picture is of my back deck after the first heavy snow last winter. I am looking at the weather forecast with a sigh of resignation. You see, our glorious unseasonable stretch of sunny days is ending and rain mixed with snow is in the forecast. The weather guy actually said, "This is probably the last nice day till spring, folks..." So, I am trying to plan ahead. Help me out, please. When it is cold outside:"

1. What is your favorite movie for watching when curled up under a wooly blanket?

We haven't been renting or buying movies that much, relying on the gay station Logo to supply us with movies.

2. Likewise, what book?

The old faithful Strand, has great books at great prices and I'm always looking for a new book or 5, so call this my winter sport. I like mysteries, but not cozys, I'm just reading the "Girl Who" books, and I really like some of the spiritual books I have read about on the Revgal website. Harder to find, I like to read books that reflect my life. PS-tip! the Strand Bookstore is online!

3. What foods do you tend to cook/eat when it gets cold?

Now that we have an actual kitchen AND DISHWASHWASHER-DA-DUM!! I may find out!

4. What do you like to do if you get a "snow day" (or if you don't get snow days, what if you did)?

I have a million beads that I have bought in my travels. I may try to put them together somehow.
Did I mentionthat the State of NY does not give Snow Days. Not in my 12 years. And people with longer memories say they have NEVER gotten them and we have a very snowy state!

5. Do you like winter sports or outdoor activities, or are you more likely to be inside playing a board game? Do you have a favorite (indoors or out)?

As I said my winter sport, reading.

FF My soul is happy

2010-11-05T04:47:00.011-05:00

Kathrynzj posted this Friday Five: "We lead privileged lives.

True, some are more privileged than others but the fact that we are communicating right now via technological devices puts us in the privileged category.

There are many perks in my life for which I give thanks and then there are some that make everything right in the world during the moment I am enjoying them. I'm wondering what a few of those things - five to be specific - are for you.

To help you along here are just three of mine that I will write more about on my blog: drinking coffee out of a real mug, walking into my home after the domestic goddess has been there, participating in the RevGalBlogPals Big Events."

1. I have Beloved who is there when I need her, and when I don't.

2. I finally have more than 500 sq. ft to share with Beloved, now 1200+500. Unfortunately in two different places. Fortunately one has NYC and one has an Ocean Beach!

3. On the good days and the bad days, I have a job.

4. I have some toys that I love, one that I'm I'm typing on now. Her name is Mac. Also books, but no ipad.

5. I have a godchild who is not a child but is a joy and a blessing. She told me all about Turkey before I went there but did not tell me about Chicken Pudding-really a dessert made with a chicken breast! (google that you revgals!)

When good turns bad

2010-11-02T05:40:00.005-05:00

As I may have mentioned, I had this great trip to Turkey and Greece that turned bad during the last week when I got this case of dysentery.. Well when I got back, I got a script for Cipro and that pretty much took care of that until this past weekend when I had a reprise of the unfortunate week in Athens.
I went to my doc yesterday- I only get sick in other countries or on weekends, and her empirical guess, or rather, diagnosis was C Difficile, an infection I was terrified to get several years ago when I had surgery and was in the hospital for two weeks.
Apparently, you can get C Diff, by taking a strong antibiotic, which lets the C Diff which may already exist in your system, thrive! Who knew...
So now I'm on an even stronger antibiotic-Flagyl- and a probiotic and something else that replaces something that is missing that I'm not quite sure what it is.
The moral of this story, wash your hands, don't drink the water or eat the fruit or, well just stay home. No...don't do that. I'm afraid that if there is a bad thing, I will get it.

Friday Five Comfort Media

2010-10-29T05:07:00.004-05:00

Jane Rule
Kathrynzj posted this comfortable FF:

"I don't get to watch that much tv anymore, but I actually wrote today's Oprah show down on my calendar. Why? Because she is hosting a Sound of Music cast reunion!!! Those of you who know me may be surprised that I would care so much about such a stereotypically girly flick, but I love it (although admittedly fast forward through the Reverend Mother's rendition of Climb Every Mountain). I can watch this movie over and over and over again.

It seems no matter how many new movies, tv shows or books come down the pike I still have my ol' stand by favorites that I can watch/read over and over and when I do they actually bring me comfort - like an old sweatshirt or a favorite food.

Today's Friday Five is an opportunity for you to list five of your favorite 'go-to' movies/tv shows/books. You can use images, links, explanations or netflix.

If you play the Friday Five at your blog and would like visitors, be sure to share a link in the comments. For a complete how-to on how to post your link, click here.

Thank you for playing, I cannot wait to read your offerings. Who knows, maybe I'll find a new go-to favorite!"

1. I have a collection of lesbian themed fiction that I have been amassing since I arrived in NYC in 1972 and would comb the used book stalls on 4th Ave. My favorite of all these books are the books of the recently late and great Jame Rule. She lived on a island off the West coast of Canada and when I belonged to the Gay Academic Union I invited her to speak at authors panel, she wrote me a very nice letter-which I of course still have-declining and saying that she was a writer and not a speaker. Years later the Howard Brown Memorial Fund gave her a lifetime award and I actually met her-and had drinks with her-at the Plaza hotel! Even later, my lover at the time was her editor and got to go to the little island to work with her and I got a personally autographed book!

2. Film-"Desert Hearts" made from "Desert of the Heart" by Jane Rule.

3. Musical- remakes of old musicals, like South Pacific and Gypsy which I saw on Broadway this year. I also see the new stuff, but the old stuff where I'm already singing at the beginning is so comforting!

4. Well, food wasn't included, but warm chocolate pudding. Did I mention that I had the best chocolate pudding in Turkey. I seems that pudding is a Turkish favorite. We went into a dessert restaurant and they had about 10 different kinds including chicken. The man dining next to us said it was good but difficult to eat due to the strands of chicken included.

Turkey and Athens

2010-10-27T05:04:00.004-05:00

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Beloved and I recently went on a wonderful trip to (see above.) We traveled with Olivia, a feminist travel company that started as a recording company for Chris Williamson and Meg Christian and many others in the very early 70's and them morphed into a 'concert at sea' and then into a travel company for women. This was our 4th trip with them and our first 'not in the winter and our first out of the general US/Caribbean area.'

We flew to Istanbul-doesn't that sound exotic-it was-then toured around for a few days. We saw the Hagia Sophia, a place I only studied in Art History in the earlier 70's, then boarded the Azimara, Journey for 7 days at sea with stops at various islands including Mykonos, and places that are slipping my mind at this early hour.

The plan was to stay for an extra week in Athens. We signed on for the after tour which included the Parthenon which was no climb for sissies, but there was an elevator for individuals with handicaps-me, but getting to it. I saw one woman in a wheelchair with two people pushing her, wow! She did get there...eventually. It was amazing.

Unfortunately, then dysentery struck and the week we planned for Athens, I spent in the Hilton, feet away from the WC. I'm still recovering. Why I didn't demand a doctor is a story for another day. When I finally got back to the US, two days on Cipro and it stopped, but by then I was so dehydrated and weak that I still have to watch what I eat and tire easily.

Despite this, it was a wonderful trip and I give great kudos to the women of Olivia Cruises for making travel easy and fun. They are a wonderful company and their staff are the best. I hope to travel with them many more times

Friday Five Singing

2010-09-24T07:03:00.006-05:00

Mary Beth posted this FF

"Music is a part of the human experience, and part of religious traditions the world over. It is evocative and stirring, and many forms of worship are incomplete without it.Our title comes from a quote popularly attributed to St. Augustine: "He who sings prays twice." A little Googling, however, indicates that Augustine didn't say exactly that. In fact, what he said just doesn't fit well onto a t-shirt. So we'll stick with what we have."Singing reduces stress and increases healthy breathing and emotional expression. Singing taps into a deep, age-old power available to all of us. When we find our voice, we find ourselves. Today, sing like you mean it." And let's talk about the role music plays in your life and worship.

1) Do you like to sing/listen to others sing? In worship, or on your own (or not at all?)

Although I don't sing will, I do like to sing and it cheers me up. Since I haven't found my place of worship yet (still checking...) I will sing on, on my own.

2) Did you grow up with music in worship, or come to it later in life? Tell us about it, and how that has changed in your experience.

I was raised Roman Catholic-notice I still capitalize? And I was in the choir. I loved singing the roman mass. I also loved the the changes of the 2nd Vatican Council but the music, not so much.

3) Some people find worship incomplete without music; others would just as soon not have it. Where do you fall?

Not sure yet. Depends upon where I land. At this point my music is musical comedies.

4) Do you prefer traditional music in worship, or contemporary? That can mean many different things!

I guess that would be way traditional.

5) What's your go-to music ... when you need solace or want to express joy?

See above, and that would be show tunes. And I worked in summer stock for a number of years so I know a lot of them.

Will post later when I am not at work and not breaking the law-don't tell...

PS Next Friday I will be in Turkey, I think and the following in Greece. Opa!

Stressed Out part deux

2010-09-24T04:53:00.006-05:00

When I though thing couldn't get worse...

This week we had a meeting in response to a letter to our main office in the capital city. The new Assistant Commisioner and Regional manager came to hear the entire office (except my boss/friend) complaints about my boss/friend. It was really difficult. The "gang of four" had rehearsed a presentation, printed with their complaints, mostly about the style of b/f . Then they read letters that they just 'happened to find on their chairs while they were out of the office from anonymous individuals.' All the letters sounded strangely similar. It was really a blood bath and difficult for me to hear particularly since they used something I said- I though in confidence-in a union meeting to beat b/f with. The word bully was bandied about frequently...

At which point, I raised my hand-foolishly. I say foolishly because I have terrible stage fright. All you revgals, I could never be you. If I don't have something written out in front of me, I'm lost. And I cannot memorize. Never. So I got up and said the b/f had been a friend/mentor for more than 15 years and had taught my much of what I know about where I work. I then went on to go after the union forperson as a bully who came to my office door and threaten me-true.

Oy. Why did I ever get up. I said some other stuff too, which I won't go into here to the effect of why can't we all get along.

After I relinquished the stage, hands shot up.

The next day a number of people weren't speaking to me. Now I'm embroiled in another union conflict involving one of my employees. I'm about to leave on vacation-next Thursday. Maybe I just won't come back.

Friday Five Baby Showers

2010-09-17T04:40:00.008-05:00

Jan posted this FF:

Friends are giving my daughter-in-law AA a baby shower, which happily brought her and DC down for a visit to Corpus Christi. looking forward to having my first grandchild in two months and all these preparations, like baby showers, are getting me excited! So I hope you'll participate in telling about your likes and dislikes about baby showers for you and for others.

1. What were baby showers like for you and your friends in the past?

I'm from the generation of lesbians that didn't have babies so much. Now our younger friends and some of our generation are having them by AI and adoption. So, not so much in the past. And all of my family lived far away.

2. Did you play games? What kinds?

I recently had two baby showers in the office. Both genders invited, Gifts, food, no games.

3. In your job, especially if you are a pastor, do you get invited to a lot of baby showers? What do you do about them?

Not a pastor, a counselor. We're not allowed to attended personal events. It's against our code of ethics.

4. Are baby showers different for our daughters (or younger friends) than they were for us?

Based on the two I helped organize-I was the minor organizer-get money! The lack of games seemed to be a major difference.

5. Do you like hosting baby showers or do you avoid that responsibility?

I would avoid the responsibility at all costs.

If I did have a baby shower I would get the cake above. Or maybe I'll get it for my next birthday!

Friday Five Insomnia

2010-09-10T12:37:00.005-05:00

My pal, Mom Priest posted this FF on sleeplessness:
Our Friday Five today will focus on sleep, or the lack there of:

1. Are you prone to sleep challenges? Insomnia, snoring, allergies? Other sleep challenges?
Yes
Yes
Yes
And sometimes I can't sleep.

2. When you can't sleep what do you do? Toss and turn? Get up and read? Play computer games?
Not being able to sleep has been a fairly recent-and I mean in the last 15-20 years-thing. If I can relax after work and just calm down slowly, I can sleep, but inadvertently, my beloved will get in from work late and be full of pep and talk about exciting topics like the contractor! Then I'm all wound up again and so it goes.
I started with Tryptophane. That's the stuff that comes in Turkey. You know how you get sooo tired on Thanksgiving? Well they sell that stuff in Health Food Stores. Then they took it off the market because some of it was making people sick, bad batch. Now, btw it's back. Well then I turned to Benadryl, a mild antihystamine that is often prescribed to addicts who have a hard time sleeping and since I have allergies. Works well. Then Ambien. Now I take Trazedone. Also works well.

3. When you do sleep do you remember your dreams? Or just snipets of them?
I tend to remember dreams when I wake up and then go back to sleep. But not much, just snippets.

4. Can you share a funny or confusing dream you've had? Or a dream you have over and over?
Well I used to have a dream over and over where I had an exam never went to the class, but I went to Grad. School and actually went to most of my classes so that took care of that.

5. When you don't sleep how do you get through the day? Lots of coffee? or a nap later in the day?
I just drag on throught the day and then fall into bed at the end of the day. Sugar usually helps.

Friday Five Dorm Edition

2010-08-27T04:29:00.004-05:00

Mindful that many others are heading off to further schooling or delivering their loved ones to the institutions that provide it, here are five questions about dorm life.

1) What was the hardest thing to leave behind when you went away to school for the first time?
Actually I didn't head off to school. the hardest thing was that I lived at home and went to the local State University in Ohio. Living at home was truly hard at that age.

2) We live in the era of helicopter parents. How much fuss did your parents make when you first left home?
That would be five years later when I really left for good and I was a good deal older. My mother made a lot of fuss and sent care packages frequently.

3) Share a favorite memory of living with schoolmates, whether in a dorm or other shared housing.
During the 3 final years of colleges, I worked in summer stock in the summer and lived there. My usual room mate had animals and living with two big dog and a bird in a small apartment was...different. Once we were transporting her horse to NY when we had a flat tire on her van. We had to take the horse out of the van to change the tire. I was left holding the horse. What did I know from horses? The horse took off running down the highway. We eventually got it back. The there was the time...

4) What absolute necessity of college life in your day would seem hilariously out-of-date now?

An eight track?

5) What innovation of today do you wish had been part of your life in college?

An away college

Bonus question for those whose college days feel like a long time ago: Share a rule or regulation that will seem funny now. Did you really follow it then?

I was on the cusp of the great revolution, women's liberation, the summer of love, drugs, sex, rock and roll. I graduated from HS in 1967. I had picked out a swell wardrobe for college (as for HS I only wore uniforms.) But, I was an art major and shortly all of my clothing was stained with paint, and other stuff. Well I started wearing...slacks! Then jeans. I was called into the Dean of Women's office. Dean Painter, I'll never forget it! She said that she understood that I had been see wearing pants and jeans on campus! Oh no. This must have been 1968 or 69 by then. You remember? This was Youngstown State University as stones throw from Kent State University and we would also shortly have armed National Guard on OUR campus. I said, Yes, I've ruined all my clothes and I feel more comfortable in clothes that I don't have to worry about. That was the end of that.

Friday Five De-cluttering Re-cluttering

2010-08-20T04:25:00.003-05:00

Jan posted this apt for me FF:

"Since posting about decluttering, I am still muttering about the need for it in my house. How about you?"

Well about me and my beloved, we're in the finish line of the beach palace, weekend place, other home whatever. So we're slowly taking things out there. Consequently our apartment looks like a Tornado blew through!

1. What things do you like to hang on to?

Books, not the beach reads, but the ones that I collect the ones that mean something. Add to that the wall that divides the 'bedroom' from the living room is a bookcase wall.

2. What is hard to let go of?

See above. Also letters and such from the days when we still wrote letters. Remember that? Also photographs and since I was an art major my first time around what I have left from that.

3. What is easy to give away?

"Beach/Subway books, clothing, stuff we never use. We donate.

4. Is there any kind of stumbling block connected with cleaning out?

Transportation. We have a car that is currently residing with the Beach Palace.

5. What do you like to collect, hoard, or admire?

See 1.

Bonus: Tell us about recycling or whatever you can think of that goes along with this muttering about cluttering.

I hate to wash the leftover soda cans, and various plastic items that are made to make our lives easier.

Stressed Out

2010-08-06T04:59:00.005-05:00

Even thinking about writing about it stresses me out and makes my stomach turn over. I think I've mentioned my work in this blog, but now that I've unlinked from FB, I think I can say a little more. I've been working on my house renovation with Beloved since February and even with contractors (2) it's been really hard-like a second full time job. Well my job has become like a job and a half.

I'm a senior counselor, with a unit of 7 counselors that I supervise. About a year and a half ago a good friend from my old office was transferred to my new office as the office manager (head of the office.) Rather than taking things slowly and seeing the lay of the land and getting to know people, she immediately started changing things and alienated 90% of the staff and I'm getting close. She also initiated practices "internal controls" that have turned my job into what feels like a clerk. I'm a licensed mental health counselor and a certified rehabilitation counselor and I spend a good part of time at the computer finalizing my counselors work. I Should be working with counselors, teaching, analyzing, helping etc. Supervising. Doing supervision. But who has the time. Add to this, since we're a government agency, with the draconian changes, we have more hearings (when the client is unhappy and wants to take their unhappiness to a higher level with a judge) than ever before, so our new manager, I'll call her manager is busy preparing for them which makes her nuts. And she in turn makes us nuts because the counselor and the senior counselor have to prepare all of the paperwork and participate in the hearing . I have on coming up when I get back from vacation.

Since she's my friend, I've tried to talk to her about this and sometimes when she doesn't get defensive, she seems to get it, she seems to understand. But the next day, she does the same things making changes to my unit without consulting me and micromanaging.

Both unions are filing grievances against her.

I've developed physical problems which I'm sure are stress related and I'm really tired all the time. Fortunately I have a week off next week but all I can think of is it's just a week and then I have to come back.

FRIDAY FIVE Love the One You're With

2010-07-30T04:19:00.005-05:00

Progress

KathrynZJ posted this most interesting Friday Five:

"And so I ask you to please name five things you like about where you are living now... and as your bonus - 1 thing you don't like."

Since we're Renovating the beach palace in a place about 50 miles from here on the Island of Long in the County of Nassau I have a few current ideas:

1. In my current locations, great restaurants- new place, haven't found them.

2. Here, bookstores, new place, you have to drive to one, none in town.

3. Here you can walk to places, many places, there not so much...

4. Both places you can dial out for dinner!!

5. There we have the ocean!

Bonus-The suffocating humidity seems less at the beach, usually. In NYC really bad.

Friday Five Pets or Not

2010-07-16T04:49:00.003-05:00

Jan posted this furry FF:

1. Did you grow up with pets?

I grew up in the midwest-Ohio-near the country. Walking to school, we passed a feed store, no really. My friend Trudy and I would go in and ooh and ahh over the baby chicks and ducks every season.

I had dogs, turtles (from the 5 and dime-my mother stepped on one once-she thought it was a checker and was horrified to discover what she had done!) Two of those ducks-who weren't so cute once they grew up. Trudy got two too. Her eastern european parents ate one when it got too annoying-eeew! I also had fish periodically and of course we had a chicken coop, but we didn't consider them pets. Oh, yes I also had a white rat, the rescue from medical testing and a white mouse, a birthday gift from my pals in high school. His name was Heathcliff-He came pre-named.

2. Do you have any pets now?

No but I have deep dog envy. The weekend place only allows cats and fish, birds. I'm allergic to to cats and not really interested in the others. We'll see about after retirement. Any suggestions about hypo-allergenic cats?

3. What is the funniest or worst thing any of your pets have ever done?

The last dog, Barney was mind, but my mother stole his love by being available during the day and feeding him home cooked food. Bad dog!

4. Who is/was your favorite pet?

I guess the dogs. I was a mostly absentee owner. My child life was pretty busy and I didn't really bond with them. I bonded with books more easily.

5. How did you train your different pets?

Train? Like with tracks? Never took my pets on trips... ;-)

BONUS: Pictures of a pet or one you wish you could have.

Friday Five Forgetful Jone Edition

2010-07-09T15:21:00.004-05:00

Apparently SOMEONE forgot to post the FF then improvised-very nicely I must say-this one.

a) What's the last thing you forgot?

1. I can't remember.

e) How do you keep track of appointments?

2.I use a desk calendar and the calendar on my iphone. Sometimes I forget to put an appointment on both.

i) Do you keep a running grocery list?

3. Yes, but then my beloved rips off the bottom of the special long note pads-to write a note- that stick to the refrigerator and that makes me furious!

o) When forced to improvise by circumstances, do you enjoy it or panic?

4. I panic.

u) What's a memory you hope you will never forget?

5. Either my first or my second marriage to beloved.

Not the Friday Five

2010-07-09T05:13:00.007-05:00

Since no FF yet and I have to go to work, MomPriest posted these things about the July 4th weekend and I thought I'd play, too.

She said:

"What I love:
1. small local parades
2. fireworks in small towns
3. county fairs
4. hot, sun, beach, water
5. lots of good homemade picnic food
6. and, well, its the Fourth, the day we celebrate freedom and that is a good thing. Complicated, but good."

Mind (typo but apt) are:

1. Memories of the small town parades of my childhood.

2. Ditto the fireworks. Though I do like watching the Macys NYC fireworks from my rooftop in NYC with my neighbors.

3. Spending the first night on a blowup bed in my new beach palace. Blow up bed very comfortable!

4 Going to a small party with 10 new friends.

5. Swimming in our pool for the first time and watching sunset from the beach in the front of our building for the first time!

6. Celebrating the freedom that we are shakily grasping onto. Some more than others.

St. Francis Xavier. Stephanie if you didn't see the full report on CNN

2010-06-27T18:31:00.000-05:00

I told you earlier about the Archbishop

2010-06-26T06:24:00.009-05:00

Well the gay and lesbian leadership of the Church of St. Francis Xavier has decided to march, in the Gay Pride march on Sunday, with the banner turned backward so that you see a blank banner, as in "what's that group and why are they marching?" I thought it was a ridiculous idea. If you google St. Francis Xavier NYC you'll see that the Catholics of America are demonizing this church and have somehow lumped in the Zen Meditation group that meets there, too!
So, one of the leaders will be on CNN talking about it, and I think it will continue to blow out of proportion. I have found a nice Episcopal Church in Long Beach I plan on attending. I like this Catholic Women's group and I plan to continue to participate-at SFX- but I feel that soon they will not have a place to meet per Archbishop Timothy Dolan. Just a prediction.

PRESS RELEASE
From: Rev. Joseph S. Costantino, S.J. Pastor
The Church of St. Francis Xavier, a Roman Catholic Parish, in Chelsea, NY Re:Gay Pride March
“Serving and caring for the spiritual and pastoral needs of those with same- sex attraction is indeed,” in the words of Archbishop Dolan, “a legitimate part of the Church’s ministry.” The Archbishop is extremely grateful to the Church of St. Francis Xavier for doing so.
In past years, a group of parishioners from our parish who are members of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans-gendered (LGBT) Ministries have participated in the Gay Pride March. They displayed a banner identifying themselves as parishioners of St. Francis Xavier parish. This year, Archbishop Dolan has requested that this group refrain from displaying the parish banner as they March.
The participation of parishioners in the March provides an opportunity to spread the message of God’s unconditional love and thus is a form of evangelization. Spreading the Good News is an integral part of the mission of our parish. During the March, parishioners distribute Welcome Brochures. Many people have entered the Church or returned to the Sacraments through this pastoral outreach.
Nevertheless, the display of the parish banner may give the false impression that the parish is somehow serving as a sponsoring organization or officially endorsing other sentiments that may appear in the course of the March.
Avoiding such confusion is the motivation for the Archbishop’s request.
The St. Francis Xavier LGBT Ministries will respect the Archbishop’s request and will be marching this year without a banner identifying our parish. Efforts to reach out to those who are open to the Gospel will continue. The desire of everyone at St. Francis Xavier parish is that we proclaim the infinite love of God for all while upholding the Church’s spiritual values and moral teachings.

What do you think about that?

The Project: Update- Progress Pics

2010-06-26T06:03:00.007-05:00

Some pics of the changes that have been happening, including the backsplash tiles that will go with the black granite counter top. You can see the little woman striking a pose in her new kitchen. Finally a kitchen where we can both be without crashing into one another! We picked out the cabinet pulls from a stores called "MyKnobs.com" It's and actual store but they are online and you can order online.
Next on tap, picking out the granite and having a template made.
For those of you wondering, our palace is a two bedroom, one and a half bath, with terrace, but it's a palace to us! The master bath is the same size as we have in our studio in the city.
Stay tuned for more...

Friday Five-Hot Town in the Summertime

2010-06-25T13:46:00.004-05:00

Songbird posted this FF after an allergic reaction to black fly bites. Feel better Songbird!
"But I don't want that to ruin summer for the rest of you. So I invite you to share five things you love--or don't--about summer. The tone is up to you!"
1. I am the 'canary in the coal mine' when it comes to insects. They come to me first and then I am lunch. I hate this and alway have. The city doesn't have many mosquitos, but once you get a little ways our, watch out!
2. NYC is a hot and humid town in the summer. I remember how cold the drug stores of my youth were. Here...not so much. The stores all seem to keep the ac on low. Same for work. They turn it on about 8:00am (I get in at 7:30) and they turn it off at 4:00 (leave today at 5:00.) I like it cold, especially at my advancing age.
3. I love summer because I never got over loving it as a child despite the bugs and the ac. I love swimming. Of couse the palace by the sea is not ready yet and though we have been there every weekend, we have not yet been in the pool or at the beach.
4. Vacation!
5. July is my birthday. Nough said.

It doesn't rain but it pours

2010-06-12T06:42:00.003-05:00

Is there a degree required to become an elected official? From now on, I want to see CV's posted online and grades instead of all the usual bs and mudslinging that we usually get when election time rolls around.

I left work a little early yesterday as I had been up all night the night before with visions of tiles being laid the wrong way dancing in my mind. In the evening I got a call from a friend from work with the following information, "We got an e-mail to cancel all appointments on Tuesday because the State may be closing down." WHAT! So, we're free from furloughs as we're 100% funded by federal funds, but since we work in a State office building, well, you get it.

Here's the e-mail:

"The Governor's Office has informed the Department that most state services will be shut down on Tuesday, June 15 if the Legislature does not enact an appropriation bill by midnight, June 14. If that happens, most SED staff will be required to stay home, with certain limited exceptions for individuals serving in positions related to health and safety and direct care.
We are preparing contingency plans right now to address the possibility of a shutdown. We are looking at all agency operations and how we will continue to provide essential services to the public.

We will be communicating with all of you again on Monday, June 14, to provide you with any new information and to let you know how you can find out whether you will be required to come to work on Tuesday, June 15.

These are very difficult and uncertain times for all of us. We will keep you updated with information as soon as it becomes available."

I'm not sure if I'm supposed to repost this but since you don't know my state or my name, even, well what's the harm! I suggested a phone tree (in case of such emergencies as hurricanes and 9/11 and say the government falling apart) at the management team meeting a while back and the royal leader gave this response, I've been here over 25 years and we've never closed for any reason. (Well I've been here for almost 12 years and we've closed for heat, a hurricanes and you got it... 9/11.) And now a phone tree would be most useful on Tuesday, because I'm sure we won't have an answer by 5:00pm on Monday-which, btw I have off, Thank you God!

Friday Five Working Out

2010-06-11T04:36:00.006-05:00

Mompriest posted this thoughtful FF: For this Friday Five let's ponder the various ways we work out (or not), physically, spiritually, and/or psychologically.

1. Do you work out physically, spiritually, or psychologically? (I'll let you define what that might mean to you)
I have gone through periods of working out physically, but I am much more inclined to work out psychologically. It's natural for me.

2. Are you more inclined to join a gym, or a book club?
I belonged to a gym, a really nice one that I attended regularly, until I was promoted to Brooklyn. This year I let my membership lapse. The Palace on the beach has a gym and outdoor pool and the town has a gym and indoor pool." I'm inclined to read books, but haven't found a convenient book club, so I read books and watch TV in a prone position...

3. Are you more inclined to read self-help books like Gail Sheehy's "Passages" or spiritual books like Richard Rohr or Theresa of Avila? And if so, what is your favorite?
I'm more inclined to read contemporary spiritual books like Take this Bread, or Jesus Freak (which I haven't gotten yet) by Sara Miles

4. Are you a loyal fan of a sports team? Or do you join the bandwagon when the local team is winning? And, if so, which one?
I barely join the bandwagon when the local team is winning (the Yankees.)

5. Or do you lean more toward having a favorite theologian/Spiritual writer or self help author and if so, who? And, why.
I buy self help/spiritual books, but no favorite. The liberal ones. I did like Thomas Merton quite a bit years ago.

Bonus: What was the last play-off series you watched and did your team win?
Uh figure skating?

Un Linking

2010-06-06T07:42:00.003-05:00

OK, so in a moment of foolish enthusiasm when I first started using FB and had a few close friends there, I linked my blog. But now, when i'm starting to blog more after a dry spot, and blogging about more personal things, I realized that I don't really want my work friends (and my boss/friend who has a limited attention span and feels it necessary to give me feedback on my posts, to seem my blog posts (which she sees on FB.) It seems like going to the actual blog is too much trouble for a lot of people which is a good thing-I think.
I went to the help page and I am successfully unlinked! I took awhile to find the twisty turns that FB makes things. There is no easy undo button, but I found it.

Clambake Song

2010-06-05T08:48:00.001-05:00

Friday Five- Patience

2010-06-04T05:23:00.005-05:00

Sally posted this thoughtful Friday Five which for you Facebook readers is posted at my blog

Persistence often pays off, but we need to be aware that it sometimes turns into sheer pig headed-ness...

With all that in mind I offer you this Friday Five:

1. Is patience a virtue you possess? If it is then does it come naturally, if not how do you/ did you work at it?
It has to be a quality I possess because my job requires it, but so does my current big project (the destruction was supposed to start Tuesday, but the contractor didn't secure the permit, so still waiting.) No quick fixed anywhere...

2. Being patient with ourselves can be a huge challenge, we are often our own worst critics; is there anything you need to be patient with yourself with at the moment?
See # 1. Also I tend toward depression which is an illness which is not cured but comes again and again. This requires fortitude and patience. Also self care.

3. Are you the kind of person who can/ will persist with a difficult task? How much of this is personality related?
Yes and no. Depends on my mood at the moment.

4. Can you spot when persistence turns into pig-headed-ness, or do you never get there?
After a while

5. Post a song or a poem that chills you out and helps you to re-group, re-focus and carry on?
Since the big project I've been playing show tunes in the car, old shows...Carousel, South Pacific etc. They all chill me out and leave me singing and swirl around in my head taking me back to happier times. I'll post one later when I have time-Think "It was a real good clambake."

Friday Five- Hand on Fire

2010-05-28T15:17:00.006-05:00

Friday Five: I would put my hand in the fire for that
--Robert Mapplethorpe, Hand in Fire, 1985

There is a German expression: ich würde die Hand dafür ins Feuer legen, which means: “I would put my hand in the fire for that.”

I learned it many years ago, while reading the Best Reference Letter Ever: written by a very distinguished linguistics professor for a student who went on to win a prestigious international scholarship. This student, he said, was destined for greatness; and he submitted his judgment with the certainty of the expression above.

I’ve always held the concept as a very important indicator in my mind. “Would I put my hand in the fire for that?” I sometimes think, and it helps me to make a decision or see a situation more clearly. It’s similar to “is this the battlefield I want to die on?”

These days (certainly as every day) there seems to be so much difficulty, wrong, pain, injustice, and mismanagement in our world, and I need a little revitalization. Often when I feel this way, I’ll write a list of things for which I’m grateful, but that’s certainly been done, and I need a bit of a stronger draught.

So, what are five things for which would you put your hand in the fire? Things / people / causes in which you believe passionately and completely? This might be demonstrated in that you would take extraordinary (for you) action…donations, marching, writing letters…or merely in the way you live your life. You may give as much or as little detail as you wish.

So difficult th even think about. I really don't want to put my hand in fire for anything. That said, here are some things I care deeply about:

1. Clean Air and Water- They won't last forever. Especially clean water. And the water will put that burning hand out!

2. The rights of all people to live equally, not just the heterosexual white people. The spanish, the blacks, the gays, the women all the other disenfranchised who may have some of the rights and entitlements but not all of the rights and entitlements, or none of them.

3. The right to worship or not. Even thought I'm still working on this and have recently had a nice Episcopal priest in my new weekend home of Long Beach-he's gay and has a partner.

4. The right to love all the people that I love and to love all the people that I don't even know.

5.The right and the ability to work without fear. And to use the skills as I have been trained to help others.

Not going to put my hand in fire, but I have taken a lot of other risks over the years for some of these rights-alienable.

News from about the Catholic Church in Germany

2010-05-28T06:17:00.005-05:00

Who's actually enjoying this?
The current holy father hails from the kinky country of Germany, the home of sadism. I wonder why he didn't start his investigations there rather than picking on American nuns who do the good work of the American church for virtually no money. Could it be that he, too, "who enjoyed and often beat the naked bottoms of the children? Or enjoyed having his beaten?"

from the New York Times:
BERLIN — Deepening the sexual abuse crisis in the Roman Catholic Church in Germany, a special investigator released a report on Thursday saying that 205 former students claimed they had been abused in Jesuit schools, including at the prestigious Canisius-Kolleg in Berlin.

The investigator, Ursula Raue, said the actual number could be higher. “We cannot expect to have heard everything yet,” she said. “The question must be asked why the order dealt so dismissively with the well-based information about frequent incidents of sexual abuse in its institutions.”

Father Stefan Dartmann, Germany’s leading Jesuit official, immediately issued a statement acknowledging “with shame and guilt, our failure.”

“I ask for forgiveness,” he said, adding that there was a “widespread mentality in the order, and perhaps still is, that the primary concern was the reputation of the institution and its fellow brothers.”

The report is the latest blow to a church weathering its most serious crisis over sexual abuse, here in Germany and around the world. Pope Benedict XVI, who has faced accusations that he or his subordinates did not take strong enough actions in several cases in Germany and elsewhere, has acknowledged the depth of the problem, this month calling the crisis “truly terrifying.”

The Jesuit order in Germany had asked Ms. Raue to look into allegations of sexual abuse after 25 students came forward alleging abuse at Canisius.

Her report was unsparing in its details. She said 46 Jesuits and nonclerical staff members at the schools had been accused of abuse or of knowing of such crimes without acting.

A priest identified only as Father Eckhart, no longer alive, who was at Canisius-Kolleg, “liked very much to beat” the children. Another priest, called Father Michel, also at that school, was “a sadist who enjoyed and often beat the naked bottoms of the children.”

At three schools, a priest called Father Bertram beat 50 students in a “sadistic sexual” way on their bare or clothed buttocks in the 1970s and 1980s. According to the investigation, Father Bertram underwent years of therapy. Before leaving the order, he confessed in 1991 to having suffered emotional problems that led him to beat children.

“From 1957 to 1990, I beat several hundred children and adolescents of both sexes on their exposed buttocks, in nearly painless symbolic acts of punishment,” he wrote in a report in 1991.

Given that such priests had confessed or acknowledged abuse, Ms. Raue asked why the Jesuit leadership did not take action earlier.

And More News of the Catholic Church and their Wisdom

2010-05-20T16:16:00.003-05:00

Post this under news that makes me furious///

Last November, a 27-year-old woman was admitted to St. Joseph's Hospital and Medical Center in Phoenix. She was 11 weeks pregnant with her fifth child, and she was gravely ill. According to a hospital document, she had "right heart failure," and her doctors told her that if she continued with the pregnancy, her risk of mortality was "close to 100 percent."

The patient, who was too ill to be moved to the operating room much less another hospital, agreed to an abortion. But there was a complication: She was at a Catholic hospital.

"They were in quite a dilemma," says Lisa Sowle Cahill, who teaches Catholic theology at Boston College. "There was no good way out of it. The official church position would mandate that the correct solution would be to let both the mother and the child die. I think in the practical situation that would be a very hard choice to make."

But the hospital felt it could proceed because of an exception — called Directive 47 in the U.S. Catholic Church's ethical guidelines for health care providers — that allows, in some circumstance, procedures that could kill the fetus to save the mother. Sister Margaret McBride, who was an administrator at the hospital as well as its liaison to the diocese, gave her approval.

The woman survived. When Bishop Thomas J. Olmsted heard about the abortion, he declared that McBride was automatically excommunicated — the most serious penalty the church can levy. (apparently he didn't read The Directives)

"She consented in the murder of an unborn child," says the Rev. John Ehrich, the medical ethics director for the Diocese of Phoenix. "There are some situations where the mother may in fact die along with her child. But — and this is the Catholic perspective — you can't do evil to bring about good. The end does not justify the means." (Hey...what about that # 47 and all those priest/pedophiles who are still members in good standing after a happy lifetime of screwing little children?

Ehrich adds that under canon or church law, the nun should be expelled from her order, the Sisters of Mercy, unless the order can find an alternative penalty. Ehrich concedes that the circumstances of this case were "hard." (Oh, so hard, but the mother lived and it was in the first trimester!

"But there are certain things that we don't really have a choice" about, he says. "You know, if it's been done and there's public scandal, the bishop has to take care of that, because he has to say, 'Look, this can't happen.' "

A Double Standard? You betcha!

But according to the Rev. Thomas Doyle, a canon lawyer, the bishop "clearly had other alternatives than to declare her excommunicated." Doyle says Olmsted could have looked at the situation, realized that the nun faced an agonizing choice and shown her some mercy. He adds that this case highlights a "gross inequity" in how the church chooses to handle scandal.

Bishop Thomas J. Olmsted, declared that McBride was automatically excommunicated because she allowed a patient at a Catholic hospital to get an abortion. But some say her quick punishment stands in stark contrast to the protection many pedophile priests have received from their bishops.
"In the case of priests who are credibly accused and known to be guilty of sexually abusing children, they are in a sense let off the hook," Doyle says.

Doyle says no pedophile priests have been excommunicated. When priests have been caught, he says, their bishops have protected them, and it has taken years or decades to defrock them, if ever.

"Yet in this instance we have a sister who was trying to save the life of a woman, and what happens to her? The bishop swoops down [and] declares her excommunicated before he even looks at all the facts of the case," Doyle says.

Ehrich agrees that sexual abuse can't be tolerated. But he says neither can McBride's actions.

"She said, 'Yes, you can kill that unborn child.' That's a heinous act. And I'm not going to make a distinction between what's worse. They're both abhorrent," Ehrich says.

Ehrich says the nun can be admitted back into the Catholic community by going to confession and repenting. McBride still works at the hospital in another position. Whether she is allowed to remain in her religious order, Erich says that is up to the Sisters of Mercy.

The Church I Sometimes Attend

2010-05-17T06:39:00.006-05:00

Well, I used to attend it occasionally, but after renewed news about cover-ups of abuse in the Catholic Church in Ireland, I stopped attending mass there and just kept attending the meetings of the Catholic Lesbian Group. I've had made some nice friends and I certainly have lots in common with them.

The Lesbian Group is a nice, smart, fun loving group of women, and the topics of the meetings are interesting. I shared with the members of the group my memories of marching out of Saint Francis Xavier in NYC-this particular church-with Dignity, after the late Cardinal O'Connor decreed that Dignity could not meet there. We had a candlelit march from the church to the LGBT community center. This was about 25 years ago at the height of the AIDS epidemic. My friends scoffed and said, this church welcomes it's gay and lesbian members. This couldn't happen now. So I was surprised to get the following e-mail:

Hello, friends.

The Catholic Lesbians Ministry needs to meet this Friday, May 21, 2010, 7:00 pm–8:00 pm, and then join the Gay Catholics Ministry from 8:00 pm–9:00 pm in the Mary Chapel .

Father Joe Costantino, SJ received a letter from Archbishop Timothy Dolan saying that the LGBT Ministries cannot participate in the Pride March under the Church of St. Francis Xavier's banner. We need to prayerfully discern what we will be doing together.

Tomorrow, I will confirm a room for our meeting and will pass that information on to you. Meanwhile, below is a reminder about why we march.

Thank you.

Actually, I'm not so surprised. I feel like this group has been flying under the radar for a number of years and there's a new sheriff in town-the Archbishop. And he has a few agendas, and we're one of them. So sad.

Friday Five My Late Great Ancestors

2010-05-14T04:28:00.006-05:00

My Late Great Ancestors

Sophia posted this interesting FF:

"I moved across country for a college teaching job last September, and my mother came to visit for the first time last week. We had a fantastic genealogical adventure tracing the family roots of her father's grandfather, who moved away from this state sometime between 1887 and 1891.

We drove a few hours to their county armed with some names and cemeteries, and wondered if we could locate anyone. It turned out there is an awesome local history room in the public library, with a very skilled librarian library, and with her map and a pile of copied records we struck gold! We found, cleared, deciphered and took pictures of old weathered stones marking members of several family branches in four tiny country cemeteries--the one above is my fourth great grandma. Of particular RevGal interest, we spoke with a friendly and helpful pastor at the United Methodist Church (window above) on the site of the Presybterian church my fifth great-grandpa helped found in 1814!"

1. Do you have any interest in geneaology?

I do have some interest in knowing about my predecessors and have thought about getting my chromosones tested. There is a popular geneaology siterun by--run by Mormons-but I have been loath to search there as I heard that they believe in conversion, without permission and even after death! (Correct me if I'm wrong about this.)

2. Which countries did your ancestors come from?

Italy and Croatia/Austria.

3. Who is the farthest back ancestor whose name you know?

Only my grandparents.
I may be related to Hans Asperger-the little professor, the person who first noticed the syndrome known as Aspergers Syndrome. I mean to look this up after I retire-which is not anytime soon.

4. Any favorite saints or sinners in the group?

Only my grandparents, aunts and uncles and you and find both there.

5. What would you want your descendants to remember about you?

That I did the best I could.

Update on the latest PROJECT!

2010-05-03T05:33:00.002-05:00

We selected a contractor yesterday. It's number 3, Tim. He was always number 1, but was unable to start until after Memorial Day which, since it's the "the Palace by the Sea" will leave us in construction until oh say...mid July? Or later?

Well that's the update.

What's New?

2010-05-01T06:10:00.004-05:00

Me and the Little Woman Getting Ready for Work at the Beach Palace

I know I haven't been much posting to my blog lately, I seem to be mired in work and my other full time job, getting the lovely place by the sea renovated.

On the first front:

It's hard to talk about here as I've linked my blog to Facebook and now can't figure out how to unlink. I have be-friended some work friends as well as my boss, who was a personal friend and now is my boss/friend. Yet, many people read Facebook and never bother with the blog. So if you have any tips about how to unlink, I would appreciate. Just a note that work has been difficult for the last 6-8 months and getting worse. A lot of it has to do with the NYS budget. They are now talking about furloughs-days off without pay (just what I need after a major spending spree) and something called "order of selection," which is where we serve only individuals who are the most severely disabled. Which would cut out the garden variety people with substance abuse, depression, learning disabilities etc. Sigh! This is kind of moot to me as I am feeling not so much like the supervising counselor that I am, but much more like an overpaid clerk (and overworked) these days. Enough of that until I am unlinked...

As for the palace by the sea. We have now interviewed 5, count em 5 contractors! Each one more expensive than the last and it is now May 1. We have not hired one. I have started referring to them as numbers. I was referring to them as the mafia guy-no kidding , the drunk, the-well you get my point, but the number system seems better. Just like Dr, House and his 13. Add to this, my beloved has trouble making up her mind and we spent one Saturday (3 hours) in an appliance store while she decides between two kinds of wood-we had done this before. expand this to the spread sheet for refrigerators. Well you get the point.

I'm an introvert and I rely on my every other Mondays off to recharge. Well we've been using those to do house stuff.

Thanks for listening to my whining. I'm sure things will get better at least with the palace by the sea, but for now. things are not looking so great.

Friday Five-What is there to Smile About?

2010-04-23T04:17:00.004-05:00

Jan posted this Friday Five "With the end of RevGalBlogPals' third annual Big Event, I am wondering who went and what it was like. There must be a lot of smiling from the Big Event! Hopefully, the rest of us are not frowning either.

So let us know how your past week was for you."

Write five different aspects of the week
OR answer the following questions:

1. When were you smiling lately?
I'm smiling mostly when I get home from the job that has become deadening lately...

2. What happened unexpectedly to you this past week?
Nothing. I had two-or was it three? trainings 9 meetings (including today-and I may be forgetting some) and a desk filled with work that should have been done.

3. How was a catastrophe averted (or not)?
I found the files!

4. What was the most delicious thing you ate?
Not lately. Lots of cafeteria food. I call it the Ptomaine cafeteria.

5. Did you see any good movies or read any books or articles?
Actually I read Jeffrey Deavers latest Katherine Dance book (on the subway back and forth to work) I think the name was Roadside Crosses. Highly recommended. Woman lead and info about grief.and trauma in a mystery.

Sorry for the down FF, but my life is a little overwhelming these days. Work, with the NY budget cut, has become unbearable and the little beach place, such a hassle that I am completely stressed~

Friday Five- Packing

2010-04-16T04:49:00.005-05:00

Songbird in Packing for the BE and posted this FF :

With that in mind, here are five questions about packing to go on a trip.

1) Some fold, some roll and some simply fling into the bag. What's your technique for packing clothes?

I used to work with veterans and they all rolled, but I never got the technique down, so I definitely fold. I'd like to try the roll sometime. I once went to Marth Stewart.com and she has this comlicated process for folding. I had to print it and keep referring back, so tedious...

2) The tight regulations about carrying liquids on planes makes packing complicated. What might we find in your quart-size bag? Ever lose a liquid that was too big?

Just my Bumble and Bumble hair styling cream, tooth paste and drugs. All other products come from the freebies at the hotel.

3) What's something you can't imagine leaving at home?

iphone and books.

4) Do you have a bag with wheels?

We have bags that roll on the long side of the rectangle with four wheels and fold for a NY Apartment. Buy them online. Expensive but worth it.

5) What's your favorite reading material for a non-driving trip (plane, train, bus, ship)?

The latest gory mystery of course.

Friday Five- First Friday

2010-04-02T05:49:00.004-05:00

It seems almost irreverent to post a Friday Five on Good Friday, so I will try to treat it with some respect. I am still mulling over the darkness of last nights Tenebrae Service, the silence as we left was profound, and although I travelled home with others we did not speak, there was a holiness about it.....and yet we know that holiness was born of horror!

So as we enter into this darkest of days I offer you this Friday Five:

1. Of all the gospel accounts of the crucifixion, which one stands out for you, and why?

Unfortunately, like you RevGals. I don't know the gospels well enough to compare them. So, no

2.Do you identify with any people in this account, how does that challenge you?

I've always identified with Mary Magdalene as she-as I see it-was the only female apostle.

3. Hymns or silence?

I grew up singing in the choir through all three hours of the vigil, so hymns.

4. Post a poem or a quote that sums up Good Friday for you?

5.Is there a tradition you could not be without, a tradition that makes Good Friday, Good Friday?

Honoring it in some way, these days. I took off today. Usually I participate in the stations of the cross across 42nd St, People pause at places that do something to harm people, recruiting station, Dow, etc. Kind of a social comment combined with Good Friday.

Dog and Deer- cheered me up

2010-03-31T04:32:00.002-05:00

Friday Five- Movies

2010-03-19T04:23:00.003-05:00

Jan posted this nice and early Friday Five about Movies:

Whenever daughter MJ comes home on breaks from college, I get to go to movies, which has me thinking about motion pictures. Plus, it is fun to watch rented dvd's at home, which my husband prefers.

Share your preferences, opinions, and recommendations about movies!

Choose 5 types of movies to discuss:

I love movies, but rarely see them. It seems like our life is so busy, or should I say disorganized, that we most often watch TV. We probably go to more plays, or the ballet than the movies. I'd like to change this so I intend to buy the discount tickets that my union offers as an incentive.

drama- I guess my second favorite- I loved up in the Air.
comedy- Ok, I like Comedies, Romantic Comedies, but why don't they make girl and girl?
foreign- sometimes
children's- When I was a kid, my mother would take me and this is a nice memory.
Lesbian Gay theme- Once a year in June we have the New Festival a Gay and Lesbian Film Festival in New York and I buy a membership because I finally can see films that mirror my life! I love it.

Bonus: Tell about the first movie you ever saw and/or the last one!

Ladies of Olivia

2010-03-04T10:25:00.008-05:00

Which is how we are addressed by Tisha the Cruise Director. We are sailig the Western Carribean with Olivia Cruises, originally Olivia Recording Studios, the ones who recorded and distributed Chris Williamson, Meg Christian, Holly Near and wonderful women of the early feminist movement starting in 1975. I remember buying my first Meg Christian album at the Oscar Wilde Memorial Bookstore about 1975 and having a whole world of music addressed to me! It was amazing. Love songs, songs of my fight and struggle. What a time and Olivia recorded it. Last night Meg Christing made a rare appearance to sing again and her voice was pure and true. She is recording again and she sang songs old and new. She brought back memories and she is addressing our lives again. Wow what a feeling to be in an theatre at sea, in a room full of wonderful women listening to this icon speaking to our lives.

Friday Five- Staving off the Gloom

2010-02-05T05:24:00.003-05:00

Sally posted this timely FF:

"Candlemass is past, and Christmas is well and truly over, here in the UK February looks set to be its usual grey and cold self. Signs of spring are yet to emerge; if like me you long for them perhaps you need ways to get through these long dark days. So lets share a few tips for a cold and rainy/ snowy day...."

1. Exercise, what do you do if you can't face getting out into the cold and damp?
What a novel idea? And speaking of novels, I climb back into bed if i don't have to go to work-which is exercise in itself- and read a book!

2. Food; time to comfort eat, or time to prepare your body for the coming spring/summer?
I tried Jenny Craig to prepare for an upcoming vacation but found that their food caused a very difficult stomach problem which had me in the bathroom frequently. So it's back to the Lean Cuisine and of course...chocolate.

3. Brainpower; do you like me need to stave off depression, if so how do you do it?
Therapy and drugs. Yes, I'm should exercise, but...

4. How about a story that lifts your spirits, is there a book or film that you return to to stave off the gloom?
I tuned in to Mama Mia on Sunday night, by accident, and that did the trick!

5. Looking forward, do you have a favourite spring flower/ is there something that says spring is here more than anything else?
I love to see all the spring flowers as they arrives. The pussy willows are showing up. I saw Forsythias at the market the other day. Daffodils. And for the grand finale, Peonys!

Friday Five New Communication

2010-01-29T05:20:00.006-05:00

Kathrynzj posted this really interesting FF:

I had the joy of spending time with Songbird last weekend, someone I would have never met had it not been for the blogosphere. Now we keep in touch using a large variety of methods: blog (hers a lot, mine not so much lately), facebook, twitter, text messaging, chat and email. So far there has been no skype:

It got me to thinking of the pros and cons of these relatively new means of communication and interconnecting and so I ask you the following:

1) What have been the benefits for you of social networking (blog, twitter, facebook, etc...)

I've gotten in touch with old friends from my early years in NY who have moved away and befriended someone from HS who was never really a friend then. I also enjoy these FF's with you all! And learning about you.

2) Which medium do you use the most? Or if you use them all, for what do you use each of them?

I use e-mail intensely at work and on my iphone. No text messaging, chat for me. I did chat in the early days of AOL 1.01 but then it was a novelty. Now with my MacBook Pro I can video chat,like skype and I could skype now! but I have to find someone with video... I tried twitter, but my last name is the same as the name as the diagnosis for the milder form of Autism, so people interested in that kept following me... And the content was too short, so I stopped

3) If you could invent a networking site (with no limits on your imagination), what would it provide? What would it not provide?

I would provide a cloud where we could transport ourselves-our real selves- there to chat, play, dine instantly. An alter-world, but with our real bodies.

4) Who have you met that you would not have met if it were not for the 'miracle' of social networking?

All of you.

5) Who do you secretly pray does not one day try to 'friend/follow' you?

Hmmm. Pat Robertson is dead. Sarah Palin? W? (I can't give a real answer because, this is a public forum, you know...)

BONUS: What was the most random/weird/unsettling/wonderful connection you made that would not have happened if it were not for the ease of which we can find each other in the computer realm?

Friday Five Traveling

2010-01-22T05:20:00.006-05:00

Songbird posted this Friday Five: Trains, Planes and Automobiles

By the time you're reading this, I'll be en route to a Great Big City to see my son in a play. I'll go by car and bus and train and no doubt cab and maybe even subway. Thus, our Friday Five:

1) What was the mode of transit for your last trip?
My last vacation was for my birthday and involved an automobile and a ferry. It was a good combination as the ferry-Cape Mays, came near the end of the journey as we got weary of driving and was scenic and had snacks and a bathroom!

2) Have you ever traveled by train?
Oh yes we did and overnight and in one of those scenic ones with a glass top-in the Canadian Rockies. Liked the glass top. Not fond of the overnight as the train always seems to rock the wrong way-foot to head, not side to side.

3) Do you live in a place with public transit, and if so, do you use it?
Every day, subway and often cabs.

4) What's the most unusual vehicle in which you've ever traveled?
Hmmm, I fly without vehicle in my dreams.

5) What's the next trip you're planning to take?
We'll be taking a cruise with 16,000 of our closest (lesbian) friends on Olivia Cruises to Mexico and Belize at the end of February. Can't wait!

Friday Five Metaphors

2010-01-15T05:38:00.009-05:00

Jan posted this metaphorical Friday Five: "In EFM this week, our question was, "If you were a color, what would you be?" So that's where this Friday Five comes from, at least its jumping off place."

1. If you were a color, what would you be?

I'd be a bright changeable-like the sky- blue. Imagine me your mood ring with all blues and none of those nasty greens.

2. If you were a flower (or plant), what would you be?

I'd be a Peony in the early summer. Bright and showy with a short season. alas.

3. If you were an animal, what kind would you be?

Call me your big floppy dog. A really doggy dog, loyal to a fault with long soft ears. A dog that sighs.

4. If you were a shoe, what type would you be?

A nice flat ambiguous boot. Maybe with a Hunt Top.

5. If you were a typeface, which font would you be?

Why, Times New Roman, Of Course !

The Project: Update- the Co-Op board likes us

2010-01-10T05:58:00.007-05:00

Some of the antique equipment that is coming with the co-op

We got our mortgage extension, but just until next Friday. Getting a mortgage these days is really an exercise in frustration! They still want updated financials-which are already in their hot little hands, but they haven't apparently looked at them, yet.
Thursday night, after having been at work from 7:30am, I took the 5:28 from across the street from work to my new (weekend) home fir a 7pm meeting with the co-op board grilling...I mean interview. They were very nice and after a review of the house rules-NO DOGS, sob- they seemed to be happy with up and they accepted our application-as they told us on the phone the next day.
So the next step is to get that mortgage extended for the THIRD time and schedule a closing~I never thought we would get here.
I thank KK for her help and BL and I discussed how we would have never be this far without her help.
Well, that's the latest. Time to start picking out paint colors, appliances, furniture etc.

Fresh starts and covenants- Friday Five

2010-01-01T08:28:00.004-05:00

Sally wrote, "As I prepare this post I am aware that it will be posted on New Years Day. We stand at the beginning of 2010 looking not only at a New Year, but at a new decade full of promise and possibilities. For some of us this will be exciting, but others will approach it with trepidation and probably most of us stand on this threshold with a mix of emotions and reactions.

It is at this time of year that many (British) Methodist Churches celebrate their Annual Covenant Service, a service that will include this prayer:

I am no longer my own but yours,
Put me to what you will,
rank me with whom you will;
put me to doing,
put me to suffering;
let me be employed for you,
or laid aside for you,
exalted for you,
or brought low for you;
let me be full,
let me be empty,
let me have all things,
let me have nothing:
I freely and wholeheartedly yield all things
to your pleasure and disposal.
And now glorious and blessed God,
Father , Son and Holy Spirit,
you are mine and I am yours.
May it be so forever.
Let this covenant now made on earth
be fulfilled in heaven. AMEN

This prayer is said every year, and offers every member an opportunity to renew their covenant with God. This is no soft or easy prayer, it states in the company of others our willingness to worship God come what may, not that we should become doormats, but that we place God above all else. ( And every year if we are honest we have to acknowledge that we fail).

With this prayer in mind I bring you this Friday Five:"

1. What will you gladly leave behind in 2009?

-I leave behind looking for a place to live, another place to live as that place is found. I also leave behind the work of couple counseling, not that we have finished, but the 'heavy lifting' is done and that made buying a place possible after years of looking. It also helped the Beloved and me to communicate better on a number of subjects, the largest of which was buying a place to live!

2. What is the biggest challenge of 2010 for you?

I guess that would be: 1. Making that house a home. and 2. reconciling work with less stress. I have to remember it's just a job and my counselors are not my children, although they feel like what children might feel like!

3. Is there anything that you simply need to hand to God and say "all will be well, for you are with me"?

Finding my place of worship. I have my SFX girls, so they fulfill me for the moment.

4. If you could only achieve one thing in 2010 what would it be?

See part 1. of # 2. Making a house a home.

5. Post a picture, poem or song that sums up your prayer for the year ahead....

5. Friday Five

Things I am Grateful on this Christmas Day

2009-12-25T07:22:00.005-05:00

So many things...

I am thankful for my sanity after a shaky early life filled with, shall we say exploration and uncertainty.

I am very thankful for Beloved who has put up with me as I have put up with her for almost 19 years, through thick and thin, sickness and health, better and worse and all the rest but one...

I am so glad to get to know my the Godchild who grew up away from me, states away, but we have gotten to know each other a adults, both of us-as least she's an adult.

I am grateful for the cousins. When some of us are only children and some of are only by death or distance, I rely on them, also through the thick and thin, and when we get together we ague like the sisters most of us never had and Janet teaches how! And Michele, who I never, even knew as a child has become a great friend and who is full of surprises.

I am so grateful for the Brother-in Law, the best one a girl could ever want! Who knew I would ever have one! I hope he has a wonderful New Year...

I am grateful for my friends, who like the souvenir ruler that I got when I was on a trip as a child said should be "like books, few and well chosen." Well I get the second part, but not the first. Books, still over run me, thank God. Laurie, Maureen and Randi, Steve and Paul, Joni-who baked me Christmas cookies-Jim,Amy, Paula, Carmel, Carol Sally, John, Roe, Joe, Steve Paula, and the rest of you all know who you are...

I'm very grateful for the Revgals for giving me guidance, for being there when I was ill, for answering questions, for having fun.

I'm grateful to the NY State Education Department, Vocational Services for Individuals for Individuals with Disabilities for letting me keep my job in these hard times and letting be practice my skill and learn to be a better counselor every day, even the days that leave me tired and frustrated. More days leave me proud of what I do and that's good.

I'm so Grateful that my Aunt Julie, at 91 is still with us in mind and body and able to have fun with us.

I'm very grateful to Mary to help me to get here.

Thank you all and Merry Christmas.

Friday Five Christmas Traditons

2009-12-18T05:15:00.005-05:00

Jan posted this Friday Five: "Christmas traditions vary from family to family and from regions afar. I've been pleased that my oldest son's wife AA loves to be with our family for Christmas, though I don't think we do anything out of the ordinary. It helps that DC has one brother and two sisters to liven up our home.

Since I finally decorated the Christmas tree and have started baking Christmas cookies, I am thinking of Christmas only being one week away.

So for this Friday Five, tell us five things about the traditions in your family. Think of:"

1.traditions you always do

We Celebrate Hannukahah. Since beloved in Jewish and this usually happens right before Christmas, we light the 8 little candles, one more each night. Tonight will be eight plus the shamus (the middle one, the one used to light the rest.

2. traditions you always cook or eat

Cookies have to be in there somewhere...

3. traditions you would like to start

Still looking for a home church for the main event...

4. traditions you would like to discard

Shopping, Office parties. Actually, since I moved my office to Brooklyn, I really like the office party. It was Tuesday and we had a great time! Hmm. Change can happen?

5.anything about your family Christmases

Well our family tradition involved my father drinking more than usual. The good part was my mother baking lots of wonderful cookies.

Ocho Kandelikas-Happy Happy Hannakah

2009-12-12T06:05:00.000-05:00

Friday Five Do Nothing Edition

2009-12-04T06:02:00.008-05:00

I'm trying to figure out the reason that the gay marriage bill failed to pass in NY by such a huge number this week? Or failed to pass at all!

1. I won't be doing much more shopping since most of mine is done.

2. I will be filling out more forms, since my mortgage banker at CHASE BANK informed us, moments after the gay marriage bill failed that our Canadian marriage would not be recognized and that we had to apply separately for our mortgage! I bought a house with a partner in 1978 and this didn't happen!

3. I won't be planning Christmas dinner, as we will be going out.

4. I will be wrapping the gifts for the gifts for homeless kids party that our Catholic Lesbians group is having tonight.

5. I will be lighting candles for 8 festive nights!

I cheated with will and won't. I will be taking as many naps as possible!

My Long Weekend-Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-26T08:13:00.008-05:00

Today we're going to BL's aunt who usually has this shindig. This year she has moved into senior housing, a smaller apartment so it will just be BL and me, her two sons, the gay one and his BF, and straight on and his wife and two kids. Lots of vegetarian food and, oh yes, a turkey, a real one.

Tomorrow will be the shopping event with my godchild, the adult woman. First stop, my 8:00 am a.m. a.p. at the MAC store where I hear there are some special specials and I am lusting after a new power book or whatever they're calling them now will be my Christmas gift to myself. We'll just see. In the evening, it's dinner with the cousins, including my cousin from Florida who I don't see often. I love my cousins and it's always a treat to get together with them.

Saturday we'll be having dinner with our friends in Long Beach, our new home away from home. We're treating our friend, the lawyer who helped us with negotiations that helped us to get such a great price. I hope to stop at Costco on the way. (more shopping-there's no Costco in NYC yet.)

Sunday we rest. Perhaps I'll go the the Church of the Holy Apostles, the Episcopal Church that I'm currently interviewing.

Monday is my pass day. Itinerary to be determined.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my Friends

Friday Five Thanksgiving

2009-11-20T05:22:00.007-05:00

Jan posted this Thankful Friday Five:
"Aunt Bert says
it's snowing there in Arkansas,
on Catfish Lane, and she hasn't been
able to walk out to their mailbox.
She's been suffering
from a bad case of the mulleygrubs.
The cure for the mulleygrubs,
she tells my sister,
is to get up and bake a cake.
If that doesn't do it, put on a red dress.

--Ginger Andrews (from Hurricane Sisters)

So this Friday before Thanksgiving, think about Aunt Bert and how she'll celebrate Thanksgiving! And how about YOU?"

1. What is your cure for the "mulleygrubs"?
A nap. Probably not the best...

2. Where will you be for Thanksgiving?
We'll be at Beloved's 82 y/o aunt who started eating meat again at the age of 80. The food is always... interesting, but always includes real turkey.

3. What foods will be served? Which are traditional for your family?
Well, There will be Turkey
We're making cranberry sauce and pie
The rest is a crap shoot, but you can bet on lots of vegetarian and vegan options because a good part of the family is one or the other.

4. How do you feel about Thanksgiving as a holiday?
I like it. The secularity, yet warmth and thankfulness of it. The coming together of families, mixed, pulled together, whatever. Last year we were at the same site, yet we had extended families from my family, a sister-in laws family, lots of different families.

5. In this season of Thanksgiving, what are you grateful for?
I'm so grateful to almost have a new home and more space!

Some trivia from FB

2009-11-14T06:35:00.002-05:00

You\'ve been living for 60 years, 3 months, and 20 days.
You were born on a Monday.
Your date of conception was probably 1st November 1948.(Do I really want to know this?)
You\'ve seen 15 leap years.
Your Zodiac Sign is Leo.
Your Chinese Zodiac Sign is Ox.
Your Ruling Planet is Sun.
Your Birthstone is Ruby.
Your Birth Flower is Larkspur.
Your Birth Tree is Elm Tree.
Your Birth Number is 1.
Time till your next Birthday 252 days 8 hours 26 mins. (Hmmm, presents, presents?)
Your Lucky Color is Golden Yellow.
Your Lucky Day is Sunday.
Your Lucky Number is One.

And I still have to take a Civil Service Test today, Sigh!

Friday Five- Friday the 13 on the 14th

2009-11-14T06:10:00.004-05:00

Sophia posted this scary Friday Five: The fear of Friday the 13th is called paraskevidekatriaphobia, a word derived from the concatenation of the Greek words Paraskeví (Παρασκευή) (meaning Friday), and dekatreís (δεκατρείς) (meaning thirteen), attached to phobía (φοβία) (meaning fear). The term triskaidekaphobia derives from the Greek words "tris", meaning 'three', "kai", meaning 'and', and "deka", meaning 'ten'. the whole word means three and ten. The word was derived in 1911 and first appeared in a mainstream source in 1953. (Wikipedia)

With thanks to my dear spouse TechnoGuy for the great suggestion, it's a Friday the 13th Friday Five!

1. How is this Friday the 13th looking for you?
Sinus infection still hanging on, today, the 14th, I have a Civil Service test all day. I would have skipped it, but was gently encouraged by my boss/friend Laurie who reminded me that those promotions could go to less desirable "others." So I'm packing my lunch and sharpening my #2 pencils. The only redeeming thing is that the testing site is 6 blocks from my apartment!

2. Have you ever had anything unlucky happen on Friday the 13th?
Oh Yes. WAY Unlucky. When I went to the bad orthopedic surgeon on a Friday 13, (he was on vacation so I saw the shoulder guy) with severe exacerbation of my back symptoms. He scheduled me for surgery in two weeks. I ended up in the emergency room the next morning and had emergency surgery that day! And thus I am permanently disabled. I could have been a paraplegic if I had not known the symptoms to look for! I was in graduate school to be a rehabilitation counselor at the time. Ironic? I think so...

3. Did your family of origin embrace or scorn superstitions?
Eh, they went both ways. My father was a little more superstitious. My mother not so much.

4. Are there any unique or amusing ones from your family, region, or ethnic background?
My father was a big one for throwing salt over the shoulder when salt was spilled.

5. Do you love or hate horror movies like "Friday the 13th"?
Hate!

Friday Five-What's New

2009-11-06T05:20:00.005-05:00

Imagine a brand new kitchen with sparkling appliances!

Songbird posted this NEW FF "Please share with us five things you like *especially* when they are new."

1. So, you have all been hearing about the PROJECT? Well I can't wait for a new refrigerator. I currently live in an apartment so whenever the refrigerator breaks I get a new, old, used in an apartment that has become a co-op fridge,

2. Well, a new co-op. With 2 bedrooms, a heated outdoor pool, a terrace, 2 bathrooms, all new appliances (as soon as we buy and install them) in our new kitchen. and several walk-in closets-on the ocean! We're officially-as of yesterday-in contract! Hooray.

3. Always new shoes.

4. A nice new pen, with gel ink, that writes smoothly.

5. I really need a new Mac. And the new ones have such nice bells and whistles. This one has been showing the beach ball a little too much. The genius tells me I need more RAM and a new battery.

Friday Five-Personal Flotation Device

2009-10-30T04:31:00.006-05:00

Kathrykzj posted this lifesaving FF:

In honor of BE Three" I thought I'd offer up a Friday Five of lifesavers. I'm going on our cruise (are you?) because I am excited about meeting up with my blogging buddies again, I am interested in the speaker and because when I went on the first one my life was saved (okay, that may be a little over-dramatized but if you saw me getting on the boat and then the difference when getting off the boat you would know of what I speak).

I don't expect - or need - another life saving moment but I want to support the conference.

Of course lifesavers can come in all sizes and with far less drama. I would readily admit that I have considered a person (children's sermon substitute), the location of a bathroom, and a beverage (the last diet coke in the back of the fridge - score!) all to be lifesavers at one point or another.

And so today I ask you - dramatic or fairly common - what have been/are your lifesavers:"

1) Your lifesaving food/beverage.

It all goes better with a Coke, but Water fills the tiny refrigerator in my office
2) Your lifesaving article of clothing.

Since I missed the shoes chapter of FF, after my back surgery and subsequent disability, Rockport's and Teva's. The most comfortable shoes and sandals, and for Rockports, the ones that stay on, since my feet cannot grip anymore,
3) Your lifesaving movie/book/tv show/music.

As a youngish person, the books of Jane Rule who told me who I was and that it was quite all right. ( and who I later met.0
4) Your lifesaving friend.

Well, not quite a friend, but my therapist, who in two installments over 20 years has saved my sorry ass.
5) Your lifesaving moment.

So many

Women & Spirituality Event in NYC

2009-10-28T07:07:00.003-05:00

Women and Spirituality

A Soulful Journey Among Ourselves

Four events
Dates: Nov 11, 13, 14, 15 Check below for details
Several locations in Manhattan

Co-Convenors:
Westina Matthews, PhD
Mark D’Alessio

With guest speakers:
Suzan D. Johnson Cook (Dr. Sujay), Rev. Barbara Cawthorne Crafton,
Amy Julia Becker, Rev. Katharine R. Henderson, Kathleen Kelley, Sumaiya Malik,
The Rev. Canon Anne Mallonee, Rev. Jeanne Person, and Rev. Beth Waltemath.

The profound experience of women’s spiritual quests are explored in a four part series presented by the Psychotherapy & Spirituality Institute in association with Auburn Seminary, General Theological Seminary and Trinity Church Wall Street.

Join us to explore how a broader spirituality can emerge from our deepest values. This will be a unique opportunity to learn and renew in a loving and supportive environment; and, you will leave with resources and suggested practices for supporting your faith walk.

Part 1 begins at Auburn Seminary and examines how the sense of connectedness that is uniquely feminine supports social practices essential for a just society.

Wednesday, Nov 11 6:30pm-8:00pm Auburn Seminary
3041 Broadway at 121st Street The Stewart Room

Guest Presenter: Rev. Suzan D. Johnson Cook (Dr. Sujay), (author of Too Blessed to be Stressed, TV producer and host, and Founder & Senior Pastor of the Bronx Christian Fellowship Church)

Part 2 moves to Trinity Wall Street/St. Paul’s Chapel and turns to the spiritual leadership of our invited guest panelists, reflecting on the inspiration they’ve gleaned from women prophets and saints (alongside the significance of “goddesses” and the Divine Feminine).

Friday, Nov 13 6:30pm-8:00pm St. Paul's Chapel
Broadway at Fulton Street

Guest Panelists: Amy Julia Becker (author of Penelope Ayers), Jeanne Person (Director of the Center for Christian Spirituality), Kathleen Kelley (Spiritual Care Director at the Hazelden Foundation), and Sumaiya Malik (founder of Good News Gazette)

Part 3 is a retreat day in the city at General Theological Seminary and is part of the Center for Christian Spirituality’s “Quiet Day” series – a time to come together and create a time apart that invites you to slow down, reflect, be still.

Saturday, Nov 14 10:00am-3:00pm General Theological Seminary Entrance on W. 21st Street bet. Ninth & Tenth Avenues

Faciliator: Westina Matthews, PhD
Guest Presenter: Rev. Julia Kristeller (Director of PSI’s Muslim-Arab Women’s Project & Interfaith Minister)

Part 4 closes our series and returns to Trinity Wall Street where we will share experiences on how women everywhere are seeking a broader, life-affirming spirituality in response to the needs and opportunities of the age.

Sunday, Nov 15 1:00pm-2:30pm Trinity Wall Street
74 Trinity Place 2nd Floor

Guest Presenter: Barbara Cawthorne Crafton (author of Jesus Wept and the celebrated Almost Daily eMos from the Geranium Farm)

Come to one part of the series, or come to all.
Our speakers will have their books available for purchase and signing.

$45 for full series
If purchased separately, Parts 1, 2, 4: $12 each,
Part 3 Quiet Day: $20 (includes lunch)
No one will be turned away for lack of funds.
CEU credits available.

For reservations or other information,
please contact Mark D’Alessio at 212-285-0043 x11
or mark@psi-mindspirit.org

Friday Five

2009-10-23T06:21:00.007-05:00

Songbird posted this FF "On this Friday before Reformation Sunday, let's talk about music. Share with us five pieces of music that draw you closer to the Divine, that elevate your mood or take you to your happy place. They might be sung or instrumental, ancient or modern, sacred or popular...whatever touches you. Some of us even love hymns. (Well, I do.)"

Hmm well, In the catholic church we called the protestant revolt, which I realize is really revolting!

I don't really listen to music. I listen to music very much which I realize makes me a little unusual. During the day at work, when I'm not meeting with a client, I usually have Public Radio (talk) on. And for relaxing, I read or watch TV. I have an iphone which has a built in music function and I have music downloaded, but I have never listened to what I have on there except for the meditation stuff I have from Jon Kabat Zinn's book, which I really don't listen to very much any more. I meditate without it. I like the quiet better.

Sometimes I like music. I love musical comedy, and go to Broadway as often as I can, but only to thing that I think I will like. I loved West Side Story!

And when I saw the opening of Oprah's show with the Black Eye Pea's I loved that song and dance. And I loved Will I Am when he did the Obama thing before the election.

I love the music of the early 70's sometimes, James Taylor from then, "Heart of Gold"- I found it very romantic at the time, Carol King.

I go to the ballet, but the music is secondary to the dance.

I guess, I like the quiet better than the sound, though I used to love to drive and listen to the radio when I was in my 20's before I moved to this very noisy city.

The Project: They Accepted the Offer, but...

2009-10-18T06:38:00.007-05:00

The Guest Bath-Dontcha just love that wallcovering? The full bath has foil too, but Geometric!

Ok, so I've been a little slow giving you the updates on our palace in the sky. We gave another offer, 2.5 thousand more than the last offer-7 weeks ago. We waited.

Two weeks ago we were having dinner in the local Chinese Restaurant and I checked my voicemail. "Hey, Bridget (our realtor) called" twice! BL said call her back after dinner. By that time I had already dialed. Bridget said, are you both there? I said yes. She said Congratulations. They accepted your offer! Still lower that we expected to go.

We had it inspected last weekend. In addition to a new kitchen, and new bathrooms, we need all new air conditioners and new outlets.

Other than that, it's in great shape!

Oh, yes, they're still holding open houses until we sign the contract. "You know how the real estate market is these days!"

Yikes!

Please send the Revgal Design Team soon. Thank you.

Friday Five Special Days

2009-10-09T04:27:00.008-05:00

The First Wedding

Sophia is being ordained this weekend and has posted his thoughtful Friday Five:"This has me thinking of the special rites of passage in our lives which we participate for ourselves or in which we support and bless others: baptism, confirmation, marriage, ordination, graduation, funerals, etc. Such important days, so exciting and joyous, but also sometimes anxiety provoking or deeply painful....So, this week, please share five memories of such sacred moments with God and her holy people from your life and the lives of those you love."

1. I have vague memories of my first communion and confirmation, as when I had those rites I think I was in the 2nd grade? I know I wore a wedding type dress and had to choose a confirmation name, No memories of my baptism at all as that happened shortly after I was born, but I still have the shoes!
2.I remember my weddings, both of them. Since I'm a lesbian, the first, at my partners synagogue, was not legal. It has also been the cause of great discord over the years as, even though it was held at Congregation Beth Simchat Torah (they rented us the space), the largest lgbt shul in the world and the only one in NYC (and my wife's spiritual home) the head rabbi and the assistant rabbi would not marry us because I am Christian.
The second one was in Toronto and is legal in Canada. We still don't have the 1000+ legal rights that heterosexuals married in the United States have. This is made all the more apparent as we are buying a new place now and have to put in place all kinds of protections in case one of us predeceases the other (that leagalese for die,) sigh.
3 My cousin, Becky's funeral. She was 40 and the first of my generation to die. She had type one diabetes.
4.My godchilds wedding. It was in London, Ohio. So she can say she was married in London.
5.My graduation from Hunter College with a Masters Degree in Counseling. It was a part of the city colleges of NY. After they served popsicles! It was great!

Church History in 4 minutes

2009-10-05T08:29:00.001-05:00

Thanks to Chris for this heads up. And I had to have 12 years of Catholic School...

The PROJECT Hook'd on a feeler

2009-10-03T06:24:00.004-05:00

If you have been following this story, as I have (been living it-that is) the last post was where we were asked for and then put in our 'best and final offer', then were countered with a counter offer. It has been five weeks since that time. We have seen at least 6-7 other places, one, owned by ambiguous Pat, that we really liked and made an offer on , but Pat would not come down in price and he/she had put a lot of money into the beautiful place and had to get his/her money back. Sigh.

This is like another job as Long Beach is a is about a 50 minute drive for us-which may not seem like a lot to you regular folk, but to us public transportation riders, well it's a lot. Then in and out and taking pictures and talking to people and etc. And no weekends, it seems like. Let me rant for awhile.

So we asked our realtor to put out a feeler if we went up a bit would they accept and not keep us hanging for another month or two into the deep winter. All over this beach town, prices are dropping as the fall develops, but these sellers seem not to notice.

Friday Five-Fall

2009-09-25T06:47:00.007-05:00

Singing Owl Posted this melancholy-for me-Friday five:
Let us fear the LORD our God, who gives autumn and spring rains in season, who assures us of the regular weeks of harvest. Jeremiah 5:23b

The Autumnal Equinox has just come 'round again. I took a look back at our Friday Fives and noted that it always seems to make the Rev Gals and their Pals think of changes.

There is something so nostalgic about this time of year, at least in the Northern Hemisphere. The nights grow cooler, crops are harvested, for some of us the leaves are beginning to change colors. The scent of smoke is in the air, pumpkins are in the stores (or on wagons, or in roadside stands for those of us in the country). I'm thinking of putting away my summer clothes and pulling out the sweaters. And I have a tub of Fall-themed items that my husband just lugged up from the basement. I'm looking for my scarecrow.

For this week, let's share some memories along with some hopes and expectations.

1. Share a Fall memory.
Fall is a time of going back to school. I always hated that, but when I went to Graduate School-1991 or so, all of that changed. I really liked what I was studying. I had a computer and that made writing papers so much easier than using a typewriter (in the 60's and 70's) I had a sense of self. This is a bad made good memory of fall
2. Your favorite Fall clothes--(past or present)?
Tweeds forever!
3. Share a campfire story, song, experience...etc.
When I was growing up, we had a big backyard and outdoor fireplaces-2. During the summer we had many cookouts with my uncles famous steaks, but after we kept the fire going and sat around the fire telling stories and talking. This went on into the fall.
4. What is your favorite thing about this time of year?
I like the moderating temperature's and less humidity, I don't like the shorter days.
5. What changes are you anticipating in your life, your church, family...whatever...as the season changes and winter approaches?
Well, we are in the middle of our end of FFY-end of Federal Fiscal Year at work. This means that we prove that we are doing our jobs by showing how many people with disabilities we have placed in employment and they have stayed in employment for 90 days. So, I have been ragging on my unit of counselors to comb through their files to find "rehabs." Rehabilitated consumers that we can show the Feds. We do this twice a year as we get funding from the state and the feds. It's over next Weds cob. Sigh

Happy New Year-L'Shana Tova

2009-09-19T06:12:00.004-05:00

This was an e-mail from a friend and I thought I'd re-publish it here:
"L'Shana Tova U’Metukah Tikatevu
May you be inscribed and sealed for a good year!
שנה טובה כתיבה וחתימה טובה
May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs, and your stocks not fall .

And may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise.

May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your cardiologist, your gastroenterologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist, your plumber, and the IRS.
May you find a way to travel from anywhere to anywhere during rush hour in less than an hour, and when you get there may you find a parking space.

May this Yom Tov, find you seated around the dinner table, together with your beloved family and cherished friends, ushering in the Jewish New Year ahead.

May what you see in the mirror delight you, and what others see in you delight them.

May the telemarketers wait to make their sales calls until you finish dinner, may your checkbook and your budget balance, and may they include generous amounts for charity.

May you remember to say "I love you" at least once a day to your partner, your child, and your parent(s). You can say it to your secretary, your nurse, your butcher, your photographer, your masseuse, your seamstress, your hairdresser or your gym instructor, but not with a "twinkle" in your eye.

May we live as intended, in a world at peace with the awareness of the beauty in every sunset, every flower's unfolding petals, every baby's smile and every wonderful, astonishing, miraculous part of ourselves.

Bless you with every happiness, great health, peace and much love during the next year and all those that follow"

Friday Five Stairs

2009-09-18T04:32:00.004-05:00

Jan posted this thoughtful Friday Five:

"Halfway down the stairs

Is a stair
Where I sit.
There isn't any
Other stair
Quite like
It.
I'm not at the bottom,
I'm not at the top;
So this is the stair
Where
I always
Stop.

Halfway up the stairs
Isn't up,
And isn't down.
it isn't in the nursery,
it isn't in the town.
And all sorts of funny thoughts
Run round my head:
"It isn't really
Anywhere!
It's somewhere else
Instead!"

— A. A. Milne
“Halfway Down,” When We Were Very Young

Thinking of your childhood as a stairway, when did you feel (and how did you feel then)

1. at the bottom?

When I was very young I grew up in a home with no stairs except the ones to the basement. So I grew to know stairs in the home of the women who took care of me when my parents worked. I used to 'butt' up and down. She had three much older daughters and even though I felt like a member of the family for my young life, I guess you could say, I was at the bottom rung.

2. at the top?

No, in my young life, I never felt powerful. I lived with an alcoholic father and an angry mother which left me pretty much...out.

3. halfway?

No.

4. At this point in your life, where would you place yourself on your own stairway?

I'm still climbing those stairs. I have a career that I like, and that I have worked for, a happy relationship. I'm sober for 23 years, I have friends and I'm close to my small family. Actually I'm pretty close to the top compared to the people I see every day! I'm a lucky girl.

5. Identify a place for you that "isn't really anywhere" but "somewhere else instead."
When I meditate, Mindfulness Meditation, I go there.